101 Ways to Bug Your Friends and Enemies

101 Ways to Bug Your Friends and Enemies by Lee Wardlaw Page B

Book: 101 Ways to Bug Your Friends and Enemies by Lee Wardlaw Read Free Book Online
Authors: Lee Wardlaw
Forced us! We couldn’t help it!”
    â€œYou pretty birds know this bungled nose job?” Marcos asked.
    The Amys nodded. “Uh-huh! His name is Squeeze!”
    â€œSneeze,” I corrected.
    â€œUh-huh!” The Amys nodded again. “His best friend is Burp.”
    â€œHiccup,” I corrected.
    â€œHe’s a brilliant inventor! He invented the Friendly Alarm!”
    â€œWhatever,” I said with a surrendering flap of my hand.
    â€œIt’s going to make him rich and famous,” the Amys said.
    â€œFamous and rich!” agreed the Amys.
    â€œHow very interesting.” Marcos popped a peppermint into his mouth. “Tell me more. What exactly is this alarm? What does it do?”
    â€œSneeze can explain much better than we can!”
    â€œBetter yet, he could give a demonstration!”
    â€œYes, a demonstration would be much better!”
    â€œSure,” I said, flickering my eyelashes in what I hoped was Morse code for SOS . “I’m glad you’ve come to my aid . I desperately need your assistance .”
    â€œYou’ve never wanted our assistance before,” said the Amys.
    â€œNever,” the Amys said.
    â€œSituations change.” I tried to wiggle my eyebrows into arrows, pointing at Marcos. “The unexpected happens and now I need HELP .”
    In a dim cranny of the Amys’ brains, a night-light switched on.
    â€œHelp? Of course! Our pleasure!”
    â€œWe’d be delighted, of course!”
    The Amys clenched Marcos around the waist and shoved him aside. “Stand here, gorgeous. Pretend you’re the alarm.”
    Marcos squirmed and unleashed a rough laugh. “Watch it!”
    â€œHe’s ticklish!” the Amys said. “Isn’t that cute ?”
    â€œAdorable!” agreed the Amys.
    They shoved Goon #2 in front of him. “You’re the handsome prince who the alarm will awaken from a deep sleep.”
    â€œWith a smooch?” His arm encircled an Amy’s waist.
    â€œKeep your flippers to yourself for a second and close your eyes. Can you snore?”
    â€œMmmrrrggggzzz-zzz!”
    â€œWindow-shattering,” the Amys said.
    â€œWall-buckling,” agreed the Amys.
    They faced Goons #3 and #4. “You two hunks can be the prince’s brothers. You spent a wild night doing hip-hop in the pond. Close those eyes. All together now: Snore! ”
    â€œZZZZZZZZzzzzZZZZZZZ!”
    â€œMmmrrrggggzzzzzz!”
    â€œSNNNNerrrrrrrrrcckk!”
    â€œAwesome!”
    â€œRadical!”
    The Amys whispered to me, “Get ready.”
    Whispered the Amys: “Get set.”
    â€œRaise your right arm,” the Amys told Marcos. “Higher. Better raise your other arm too. Perfect! Now open your mouth and close your eyes, and you will get a big surprise!”
    â€œFroggies, keep snoring!” the Amys instructed. “When I count to three—”
    â€œFroggies?” said Marcos. “I thought they were princes.”
    â€œONETWOTHREE!” the Amys yelped.
    â€œTHREETWOONE!” yelped the Amys.
    The girls attacked with ferocious tickles.
    Marcos and Goon #2 contorted to escape the onslaught while their team members snored with continued fervor.
    I filched my pack—and ran.
    I glanced back only once, hollering: “Thanks, Amys! I owe you!”
    â€œNope,” hollered the Amys. “We’re even now!”
    â€œEven-Steven!” The Amys’ fingers dove again into Marcos’s armpits.
    â€œGet—him—!” Marcos choked, cap tumbling. With an angry convulsive ha-ha-ow, he collapsed against his cronies and I ran on . . .
    Â 
    After sprinting several blocks, I slowed to a trot, clutching a stitch in my side. Still two miles to Jefferson Middle and I needed to pace myself.
    I arrived just before lunch period ended. I squeezed through a misshapen section of chain-link fence and hurried to the pine tree behind the gym, where I

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