what I'm going through because, unlike Satine, who is helpful in her own way, Melissa has been where I am. The scar on her stomach tells me that much. “How did it happen?” I ask, hoping that I'm not prying too much. After all, I never told her what happened to me and I'm not sure if I want to just yet.
Melissa pats me on the shoulder and rises to her feet. “Some other time, okay?”
I nod. “Okay.” Maybe when she opens up to me, I'll be able to find the courage inside of myself to open up to her.
The only people I talk about my ordeal with are Satine and Lara. I talk to Satine about it because I have to and I know she can't say anything. Lara, I've said some things, but not everything. I know she's my best friend and I trust her, but there are some things I'm ashamed of mentioning. I didn't tell her about how I'd felt dirty and disgusting for weeks after. How there were times where I could still feel my attacker ripping my pants off, still feel him crushing my windpipe, and still smell his putrid, rotten breath when he whispered disturbing things into my ear. Sometimes it was easier for me to keep everything locked up inside of me. It was easier because when I'd talk about it, even with Satine, I still felt a part of me reliving everything all over again and as cowardly as this sounds it was too difficult to deal with.
On my feet, at Melissa's side we walk to the door. She gives me a quick hug and says, “I'll see you next week, Hadley.”
With that, I exit giving her a nod and a smile then meet Lara in the waiting room. The second Lara sees me she hops up from her chair, and we walk to the car.
On the drive home, Lara seems to be in a chatty mood. For the first half of the ride she tells me all about the class and fills me in on what some of the women are like. “Seriously,” she huffs. “There's this one girl named Beth who just stands there and rolls her eyes the whole time. She was in the back right corner. Then the three older women in the middle back row were Betty, Ann, and Marsha.” I tune her out until she says, “What did you do when you were sitting out in the waiting room? You had to be out there for at least forty minutes by yourself.”
I don't know if I want to mention my run in with Sean to her or maybe it's just that I don't want to think about it myself. He wasn't exactly endearing or kind. But I do have to admit even though he was a bit on the harsh side, there was a pleasant smooth tone to his deep voice. It was almost melodic like listening to concert violinist on stage performing for a sold out event. I liked hearing him speak no matter what came out of his mouth. “I just sat there,” I tell her. “Just sat there and drank my bottled water.” I'm not ready to talk about Sean Right-Hook Reilly, and his strange behavior toward me. Not yet.
At home, I go to my room and squeeze in some time to complete my final essay for my English Lit class, which is a character analysis on Hester from The Scarlet Letter. I've chosen to go with the love should conquer all approach which I'm not sure I should do because I've never been in love myself or even had a serious boyfriend. But just because I've never had a boyfriend or been in love doesn't mean I don't want it or believe in it.
I think.
After about an hour of working on my essay, I put the books away because I have to work at the same time, Lara does. We both work in the mall. She works at the fragrance shop and I work at Any Bean You Like, the coffee shop. I only got into Carver because of an academic scholarship. I'm a hard worker and I'm not like a lot of the kids I go to school with whose parents have swimming pools full of hundred dollar bills. Yeah, my life hasn't exactly been what you'd call easy.
I'm just putting my black apron on and smathering on some mascara when Lara's voice trails down the hall. “You almost ready, Lee? We gotta go!”
“I'm coming! I'm coming!”
I smooth back a few fly-aways and then I'm out my
Melissa pats me on the shoulder and rises to her feet. “Some other time, okay?”
I nod. “Okay.” Maybe when she opens up to me, I'll be able to find the courage inside of myself to open up to her.
The only people I talk about my ordeal with are Satine and Lara. I talk to Satine about it because I have to and I know she can't say anything. Lara, I've said some things, but not everything. I know she's my best friend and I trust her, but there are some things I'm ashamed of mentioning. I didn't tell her about how I'd felt dirty and disgusting for weeks after. How there were times where I could still feel my attacker ripping my pants off, still feel him crushing my windpipe, and still smell his putrid, rotten breath when he whispered disturbing things into my ear. Sometimes it was easier for me to keep everything locked up inside of me. It was easier because when I'd talk about it, even with Satine, I still felt a part of me reliving everything all over again and as cowardly as this sounds it was too difficult to deal with.
On my feet, at Melissa's side we walk to the door. She gives me a quick hug and says, “I'll see you next week, Hadley.”
With that, I exit giving her a nod and a smile then meet Lara in the waiting room. The second Lara sees me she hops up from her chair, and we walk to the car.
On the drive home, Lara seems to be in a chatty mood. For the first half of the ride she tells me all about the class and fills me in on what some of the women are like. “Seriously,” she huffs. “There's this one girl named Beth who just stands there and rolls her eyes the whole time. She was in the back right corner. Then the three older women in the middle back row were Betty, Ann, and Marsha.” I tune her out until she says, “What did you do when you were sitting out in the waiting room? You had to be out there for at least forty minutes by yourself.”
I don't know if I want to mention my run in with Sean to her or maybe it's just that I don't want to think about it myself. He wasn't exactly endearing or kind. But I do have to admit even though he was a bit on the harsh side, there was a pleasant smooth tone to his deep voice. It was almost melodic like listening to concert violinist on stage performing for a sold out event. I liked hearing him speak no matter what came out of his mouth. “I just sat there,” I tell her. “Just sat there and drank my bottled water.” I'm not ready to talk about Sean Right-Hook Reilly, and his strange behavior toward me. Not yet.
At home, I go to my room and squeeze in some time to complete my final essay for my English Lit class, which is a character analysis on Hester from The Scarlet Letter. I've chosen to go with the love should conquer all approach which I'm not sure I should do because I've never been in love myself or even had a serious boyfriend. But just because I've never had a boyfriend or been in love doesn't mean I don't want it or believe in it.
I think.
After about an hour of working on my essay, I put the books away because I have to work at the same time, Lara does. We both work in the mall. She works at the fragrance shop and I work at Any Bean You Like, the coffee shop. I only got into Carver because of an academic scholarship. I'm a hard worker and I'm not like a lot of the kids I go to school with whose parents have swimming pools full of hundred dollar bills. Yeah, my life hasn't exactly been what you'd call easy.
I'm just putting my black apron on and smathering on some mascara when Lara's voice trails down the hall. “You almost ready, Lee? We gotta go!”
“I'm coming! I'm coming!”
I smooth back a few fly-aways and then I'm out my