A Family To Cherish by Carole Gift Page Page B

shirts. She felt vaguely guilty now, and yes, even a little angry. Janee’s increasing lack of response perplexed her. She had been in Barbara’s home for over a month now, and yet every day she seemed to grow more distant, more unresponsive, more sullen. What kind of child was she that she never said anything, never showed any feelings at all?
    Barbara nodded hopefully toward the TV set. “Honey, do you want to watch television?”
    Janee looked around, moving her head with a deliberate slowness; her mouth froze into a pout. “No, I don’t want to watch television,” she said.
    Barbara tossed Doug’s shirt aside on the couch and went to the kitchen to check the pot roast for supper. Lifting the lid so that quick curls of steam escaped, she noticed that her hand trembled. She let the lid fall back into place with a clatter and stared at her hands.
    Janee’s doing this to me, she thought dismally.
    Barbara glanced at the wall calendar. In the month since they had brought Janee home, each day had seemed harder than the day before. Barbara had tried enrolling Janee in kindergarten, but Janee refused to go. Barbara had driven her to the school anyway, but Janee cried and refused to stay. Plaintively the child argued, “If I’m at school, my mommy won’t know where to find me.” At last the teacher suggested Barbara try enrolling her again in January after she’d had more time to accept her parents’ deaths, and her new surroundings.
    But Janee seemed no more content at home than she had at school. Every day she grew more silent and withdrawn. Nothing Barbara said or did seemed to help. The emotional breach between them only widened. But what did Barbara expect, trying to mother someone else’s child?
    It wasn’t as if she hadn’t tried to reach Janee, to make the child feel comfortable in her new home. But there was no way Barbara could be a mother to Janee or make up for the child’s terrible loss.
    And, of course, Janee didn’t make things any easier. She refused every offer of affection. She no longer wanted to be tucked into bed at night, nor would she say her prayers for Barbara. She turned her face to the wall when Barbara leaned down to kiss her good-night.
    Barbara returned to the living room in time to catch Janee at the front door, trying to turn the knob. “What are you doing, honey?”
    â€œI go outside.”
    â€œNo, Janee. It’s raining.”
    Janee held her ground. “It stopped.”
    Barbara glanced out the window. Janee was right. The rain had stopped, and faint streamers of sunlight were rippling across the silvery sky. Maybe it would be a nice day, after all. “Okay, honey, you can go outside, but I’m coming with you. Stay in the front yard where I can watch you from the porch.”
    â€œCan I ride my tricycle?”
    The trike was on the porch, shiny new and bright blue, a gift from Pam and Benny. The sight of it gave Barbara the shivers. It reminded her of Caitlin’s little bicycle that had ended up as twisted wreckage under an automobile’s front tire.
    â€œWouldn’t you rather color or play with your dolly?” Barbara prompted.
    Janee’s lower lip jutted out. “I go ride my new tricycle.”
    â€œAll right. I’ll carry it down the steps for you, but be careful. Stay right on the sidewalk. I’ll be right here watching.”
    Barbara stood watching from the porch as Janee pedaled back and forth on the wet, glistening sidewalk. She’ll be okay, Barbara told herself. Not every child dies playing in her own front yard.
    Barbara sat down on the porch swing and tried to relax, but even when she wasn’t with Janee, the child was there in her mind, a nagging worry, a constant responsibility. Why did God expect her to takecare of another child when she hadn’t managed to keep her own child from harm?
    Barbara was just thinking of slipping inside and checking