A Madness in Spring by Kate Noble

Hemshawe watched. “I can’t be here anymore.”
    She pulled back, and nimbly ducked beneath dancing partners, fleeing the room. And she knew without turning back that Adam was right on her heels.
    “Belinda,” he said, as they passed from the main room into one of the corridors.
    “Why can’t you just be mean to me?” she shot back, her eyes threatening tears – which would just be horrid.
    “Mean to you?” he asked, half a step behind her.
    “Yes. Can’t you just make a trite remark about my dress or the party, and I can make a snide reply and everything will be normal?”
    “No,” he said. “I can’t. I won’t let you do that.”
    “Do what?”
    “Pretend. I won’t let you pretend there was nothing between us. That there
is
nothing between us.”
    Why couldn’t he understand? She had been prepared to meet him here tonight. She knew she could not avoid him entirely. So she would act cold and standoffish, and in turn he would be sarcastic and brittle, and that she could handle. She knew all the steps of that dance. But this Adam – being gentle with her, and open, yet still standing firm…
this
Adam was an unknown. And she had no strategy for how to fight against him.
    “I just… oh hang it! I cannot
think
with you here,” she cried, turning down another corridor.
    If only she could get
away.
Away from him, away from here, away from people. But every time she turned a corner there were party guests, or servants, or couples hiding in corners. There was no space to even breathe!
    As if sensing her discomfort Adam took her arm, whispering “come with me,” before guiding her into a new hallway, one that was vaguely familiar.
    Belinda barely caught a glimpse of overheated monks on their knees before Adam swung the painting back, and pulled her into the dark beyond it.
    The very dark.
    “I can’t see a thing,” she said, feeling the walls and praying Georgie had thought to have the secret passages cleaned before the party.
    Although, from what she could tell, it wasn’t really a passage, as Adam had previous described. It was more of a niche… an honest-to-goodness priest hole.
    And as her hands crossed from cold stone to Adam’s warm frame, she discovered it was a decidedly small one.
    “I’m not here,” he said.
    “I beg to differ,” she replied.
    “No, I mean… you can’t think when you’re around me? I have the same problem. So, pretend I’m not here. You cannot see me. You are alone.” He took a deep breath. “So tell me what is wrong.”
    “Nothing is wrong.”
    “You would lie even to yourself?” he asked, the smirk evident in his voice.
    “All right then,” she said, letting all artifice fall away. There was no use for it in the dark. “We
kissed
, Adam. That’s what’s wrong.”
    “You think it was wrong? It felt very right to me.”
    “Of course it’s wrong! Does it make any sense to you? Any sense at all that
you
and
I
would be kissing in the woods?”
    “It didn’t make much sense before it happened,” he admitted. “But afterward it made all the sense in the world.” She could feel him stepping closer. “Like a puzzle piece that was turned the wrong way. Turn it around and everything clicks into place.”
    She felt herself turning like that puzzle piece, shifting ever so slightly to match him.
    No. She shook her head ruthlessly. Not allowed.
    “It’s too strange,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest, and disconcertingly grazing his coat.
    “Too strange…” he mused. “You mean, too different?”
    “Yes!” she cried. “This isn’t fair, you know. Everything was normal and fine and then suddenly little birdies named Georgie and Francesca dropped hints in our ears that we are in love with each other, and suddenly I’m supposed to be in love with you. And I don’t know how to do that and I don’t even know if I want to!” She felt like everything was spilling out of the center of her chest, but she dare not stop it. “Is that too