A red tainted Silence by Carolyn Gray Page A

wide, sad, haunted. “Some people understand. My friends at the bookstore do, Andy does, but not most people. It’s a straight man’s world, a hate-filled world for an openly gay boy. Keep it hidden. I should have. And I will from now on.” He hesitated.
    “Have you ever kissed a boy, Brandon?”
    I shifted uncomfortably at the sudden turn. “Uh, no, I haven’t.” But I wanted to kiss him, badly.
    “A girl?”
    “Lots of times. No big deal.” And none were a big deal. Each kiss had left me cold, hollow, wanting something more, yet scared, too. As each date ended, I’d been left believing my lack of reaction must mean something was wrong with me. I’d listened to Adam’s gay-bashing for years, so it was no wonder, really, that I half-believed homosexuals were sick in the head and, as Adam said, should be castrated.
    Lovely brother, huh?
    Nicholas shook his head sadly. “You’re young. You could be just confused, you know.
    That happens sometimes.”
    “I’m not confused.”
    He smiled wanly at me. “How old are you?”
    “Almost twenty.”
    “Really? I thought you were younger. I’m twenty now.” He laughed softly, though he didn’t explain why.
    “I -- I do know one thing for sure.”
    “What’s that?” He turned to me and blinked.

    48 Carolyn Gray
    I swallowed, my gaze drifting over that lovely mouth, into those beautiful eyes. “I -- I’d like to kiss you.”
    A small smile crept onto his face, but the shimmering in his eyes held me back from taking any sort of action. He looked scared, and I didn’t know enough to know if he was scared of me a little, too. I kinda suspected he was just then. After all, he didn’t really know me, and I had beat up both of those guys.
    “I’m glad you found me, Brandon.”
    “I am, too. This time you aren’t getting away from me, Nicholas.” He turned to look out the window again. “My own personal protector,” he murmured.
    “My own white knight, strong and beautiful. Every gay boy’s dream. How lucky am I?” He flashed me a smile again and curled his fingers tighter around mine.
    “I’ll take care of you, Nicholas. I promise they won’t hurt you ever again.” He didn’t look like he believed it, even though he nodded. Then he smiled wanly at me and said, “You know something? My butt hurts really bad, sitting on this hard floor like this.
    Do you think we could leave? Maybe sneak out the back way?”
    “No. It’s not safe yet.” I tugged on his hand, pulling him to me. He hesitated, but when I smiled at him, he lay against my bare chest, his head tucked underneath my chin, his hair tickling my nose. I know he had to have heard my heart racing -- it was clocking at light speed right then as I settled against the cushions, Nicholas safe in my arms.
    “Better?” I asked, smiling as he nodded. He laid his right hand on my bare chest and began to tickle me with his fingers.
    “You have no chest hair.”
    “Runs in the family,” I said.
    “I’m a hairy beast already, especially compared to you.”
    “I don’t mind.”
    “Why, Brandon?”
    “Uh, well, I never really thought about it --”
    He chuckled. “That’s not what I meant. Why did you come after me? I saw the flyers.”
    “That was my cousin Jenny’s idea.”
    He flinched. “She knows about me? About --”
    I nodded. “Sprout, that’s what I call her. You’ll love her, I promise. She’s the one who dragged me to your play in the first place. When I heard you sing that song you wrote, I knew I wanted to work with you. That’s why I had to find you.”
    “Is that all you want from me?” he asked, his voice a teasing whine. “Work?” I kissed him on his forehead, tasting him freely now that my senses weren’t so clouded by fear. He tasted of sweat and soap, a hint of aftershave.

    A Red-Tainted Silence
    49

    “No. I want more than that, later on. I mean, when we’re both ready -- I don’t want to rush you in this --” I groaned as Nicholas laughed against my neck