A Shameful Secret by Anne Ireland Page A

Charlotte looked in at her door.
    “May I come in, dearest?”
    “Yes, of course.” Hester turned to greet her with a smile. She could have no idea that the past weeks had transformed her, banishing the worn-down look that had crept over her these past several years. Her eyes were shining, her cheeks rose-tinted, and her hair glossy as it curled about her face before being confined in a sleek twist at the back.
    “We have a visitor, Hester.”
    Charlotte looked so pleased with herself that Hester misunderstood.
    “Has Robert come down from London to join us?”
    “No, it is not your brother. It is Mr. Blackwater, and he has asked my permission to speak to you on a certain matter.”
    Hester’s heart caught with fright. She had been hoping this would not happen, because she believed that Mr. Blackwater would be offended when she refused him.
    “I hope you told him that he could not, cousin?”
    “Now why should I do that?” Charlotte frowned and as she saw Hester’s expression. “What happened in the past is over, dearest. You must put it behind you and look to the future.”
    “Papa said that no decent man would wish to wed me once he knew the truth. He forbade me to think of marriage, and I am sure that Mama would agree with him.”
    “Araminta is no longer your guardian. Robert is the head of the family now, and I am certain he could be persuaded to give you his blessing. You must know that he cares for you too much to deny you happiness?”
    “Yes, perhaps Robert might allow it,” Hester agreed, looking thoughtful. “But do you think that Mr. Blackwater would wish to marry me if he knew that I had born a child out of wedlock?”
    “There is surely no necessity to tell him,” Charlotte said, an expression of alarm in her eyes. “Why should one little mistake be allowed to ruin your whole life, Hester? A modicum of subterfuge should suffice to keep your secret, my dear.”
    “But you cannot think that I would lie to him?” Hester was shocked by what her cousin seemed to imply. “I would never marry without confessing the truth to my intended husband. It would be unkind in me to do otherwise.”
    “You do not need to lie. A few tears on your wedding night would convince him of your innocence.”
    “No, Charlotte. I am not sunk so low that I would deceive my husband. If I am ever to marry—and I doubt that I shall—it will be to a man who knows the truth and still wants me.”
    “You risk remaining a spinster for life.”
    “Yes, I think that may well be the case,” Hester replied, blinking back the painful tears. Her throat felt tight, but she managed to speak calmly, hiding her inner distress. “But even were I free to marry, I could not accept Mr. Blackwater’s proposal.”
    “You do not wish to marry him? I thought you liked him?”
    “I enjoy his company and his friendship, but I do not wish for him as a husband.”
    “Ah, that is a very different matter,” Charlotte said, her eyes narrowing in thought. “But perhaps there is another gentleman you prefer?”
    “No, of course not,” Hester denied but the blush in her cheeks betrayed her. “Even if there were, I cannot—must not—think of marriage.”
    “That is nonsense, Hester. There is not the least need for you to remain unwed.” Charlotte hesitated. “What would you have me say to Mr. Blackwater?”
    “You need say nothing. I shall see him, for I owe him that courtesy. He shall hear my refusal from my own lips.”
    “You do not need to tell him your history, dearest.”
    “No, I shall say nothing of that. I would confess my shame only to a man I trusted enough to hear me without censure even if he could not accept it.”
    “Very well. Go down to Mr. Blackwater now, Hester—but tread carefully. You do not wish to hurt his feelings.”
    “I shall try not to,” Hester replied. It was the last thing she wanted to do for she sincerely liked the gentleman and would keep his friendship if she could.
    She glanced at herself in