Afire: Entire Blinded Series by Sarah Masters Page A

is the only thing that'll keep me going.
    I pull my phone out of my pocket and press a speed dial button. Ryan answers after the first ring, not a hint of sleep in his voice. He's been worrying, I'll bet, and my love for him grows.
    "You all right?” he asks.
    "Yeah, you?"
    "Not bad."
    "Where are you?"
    "On a coach."
    "Shit, so you're really going.” He pauses, then, “Where're you headed?"
    "Place called Biddingford. I'll let you know when I get there. I'll have to sort out a place to live. Get a job and all that.” The enormity of that weighs heavy on me, hitting me like a sack of shit. “I'm scared, Ryan."
    "Shit. I wish I was there. With you. But I know...I get what you're doing."
    "Things'll work out. I've just got to stand on my own two feet now."
    "Yeah.” Another pause. “What if you can't find a place and a job?"
    "Then I'll go somewhere else."
    "Where?"
    "Dunno."
    "Fuck. You got enough cash?"
    "Yeah. Took out a hundred. Think I've got another hundred or so in the bank."
    "Christ, Lee! You could have rented a bedsit here with that! Got out of your mum's place ages ago."
    I sigh. “I know, but I didn't have the guts. And now I have, now I've got it straight in my head where I'm going... It's all good. Trust me."
    "I do but... I'll wait for you, all right? However long it takes."
    "I know you will. But you can't wait forever. What if it takes a long time? What if I'm gone a few years and someone else comes along?"
    "What, for you or for me?"
    "For you."
    He sighs. “They won't."
    "But you don't know that."
    "I don't care. If they do, they can fuck right off."
    I laugh. “Same feelings here, but it's just...I don't want you to feel you have to keep to what you've said now. Things change. People change."
    "You trying to tell me to back off? To leave it?"
    "No. Just giving you an out if you need one."
    "Right. And you'll tell me if you meet someone else?"
    "Yeah, but I won't."
    His soft chuckle filters into my ear. “Yet you've just lectured me—"
    "I know. Listen, I'm fucked. Need some sleep. No idea if there's a bed and breakfast in this Biddingford place, and if there is, it might not be open, so I need to catch some sleep in case—"
    "You're not sleeping rough all night!"
    "Might not have a choice."
    "For fuck's sake!"
    "Look, it'll be all right. I'll find a shed. Somewhere like that."
    "Make sure you do. And text me if you can't find a place to sleep, all right?"
    "Yep."
    "Promise?"
    "Yep."
    "Love you, Lee."
    "Love you too, Ryan."
    I snap my phone closed before he says anything else, because my voice would crack if I had to reply. Eyes shut, I squeeze them tight, but a tear still trickles out. I feel foolish for crying, for being reduced to a little kid again, but shit, it's been one hell of a night. One hell of a life so far.
    Sleep doesn't come, my mind too alert, filled with images from the past, all flitting through my head at speed, coming to a stop at the last time I'd seen Dad. It was a couple of years ago. The time since he'd left saw me meeting him sporadically, for maybe an hour or two on a Sunday—always a Sunday—when Mum allowed me to go with strict instructions to remember everything he said and report back to her. And I did, for a while, but as the years passed I kept some things to myself, treasuring the secret knowledge that she thought I was doing as she'd asked, oblivious that Dad's words remained locked inside my mind.
    Last time we'd gone to the wildlife park in his car, him joking I was too damn old for this kind of shit but fuck it, we'd go anyway. We'd walked round, talking about everything and nothing, and lunchtime saw us sitting in the beer garden of a fake Tudor pub, the wildlife park a few miles away, forgotten for a while.
    "You know why I left, don't you?” Dad asked, fingers wet from the condensation off his pint glass. He traced a fingertip around the rim. “Should have taken you with me."
    "I understand why you didn't. She'd have fought you for me.” I took a sip of