restaurant or we could’ve stayed in.”
“But that’s the thing, we can’t stay in forever! At some point we have to leave this house and go out into the chaos and I’m not sure I can deal with that. I’m struggling to find my place here and I need to be able to go out and have a life and not feel terrified of people hiding in bushes with cameras.”
He sighs. “I know. I understand, trust me. I felt the same way when I first started getting exposure. I lived in this city for a year before things blew up and I started getting all this attention. It’s a hard pill to swallow. For me it was different though because it meant that my dreams were coming true and that it’s kind of right of passage into the future I wanted for myself.” He pauses. “For you, it’s different. You didn’t ask for any of this, it’s being forced on you. Because of me.”
We are quiet for a moment. I can feel the tension and wish there was something I could say to make him feel better but I can’t think of anything because he’s right. It is his fault that I’m in this position.
There is not a doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with Brandon but if that comes with all these other complications and baggage, I’m not sure I’ll be able to make that compromise.
Chapter Sixteen
The next few days are better. Brandon’s promotional obligations end and we are actually able to spend time together and we come to an agreement that we will take things slow in regards to going public with our relationship.
The story doesn’t die down as much as we had anticipated. A variety of different media outlets come out of the woodwork to try and get the scoop on me and my relationship with Brandon. Brandon’s agent keeps calling with offers to do a joint appearance on multiple different entertainment shows and several magazines offering us the cover to tell our story.
Brandon is able to hold them at bay and I’ve overheard a few of his more heated conversations with his agent trying to get across the point that we are not willing to exploit ourselves in exchange for more publicity.
Despite all of the hoopla, we actually spend more time out in public. I’m still not used to the exposure but I don’t freeze up the way I did that night outside the restaurant. It seems like there are more photographers at each turn and in some ways I feel like keeping our relationship such a secret is making it feel like there is more attention and pressure.
Today, we are having a very normal day, we went grocery shopping for a few odds and ends and are now getting lunch at a cute outdoor café before heading home again. Sitting on the patio I feel a little more relaxed because there is a fence and landscaping to keep prying eyes away.
Brandon and I are sitting on the same side of the table and I’m leaned up against his shoulder as he picks at the leftovers on my plate. It all feels refreshingly normal and for the first time since getting to California I am starting to let my guard down a little and am beginning to see how we could make this all work out.
“Do you want to go to the beach tonight?” He asks, wrapping his free arm around my waist.
“Really?” I ask, my eyes lighting up. “That would be amazing!”
He smiles. “Yeah, one of my buddies, Denny, has a pretty sweet beach house and he’s having a dinner thing tonight and so he invited me, well us, to stop by.”
The name doesn’t register as someone he has talked about before. Back home I knew all of Brandon’s friends, but I haven’t met anyone since being in L.A.
I start picturing some fancy dinner party on the beach and wish Ashley was here to help me decide what to wear. I try to push missing Ashley out of my head and offer Brandon a smile. “It sounds fun.”
A few hours later we are back at the house and I find myself in the walk in closet trying to decide what to wear. On the way home I had asked Brandon what the dress code would be for the