Agnes Among the Gargoyles by Patrick Flynn Page B

often spoken about.
    Â Â Â "What does that mean to you?" Agnes asks her.
    Â Â  "Oh, nothing, I'm sure."
    Â Â  "Did you ask?"
    Â Â  "I didn't have to. I'm not particularly concerned."
    Â Â  "Maybe you should be."
    Â Â Â "Agnes, don't be such a worry-wart. Documents are always being swallowed by the great maw of the bureaucracy. They turn up sooner or later."
    Â Â Â "I hope you're right," says Agnes uncertainly.
    Â Â Â A misplaced divorce? It doesn't sit right with Agnes.
    Â Â Â "And I have to find my marriage license," Hannah adds blandly. "Otherwise my benefits might be held up."
    Â Â Â "I didn't know it was lost."
    Â Â Â "Agnes, it's been lost for years. I always vowed I'd look for it, or send for another copy, but I just never got around to it. And then after your father died, there didn't seem to be much point."

Chapter Eleven

    Agnes returns to work at Infertility. She arrives at the office to find her desk covered with cards and presents. Half the presents are wrapped in pink paper; the other half in blue. Silver Mylar helium balloons hover above Agnes's desk. Some say IT'S A BOY! The rest say IT'S A GIRL!
    Â Â Â "We weren't sure about all this, since you never told us," says Jeff Tetter, one of the Infertility staff writers. "But then we decided that such a joyous event couldn't pass without some recognition."
    Â Â Â Agnes's colleagues gather around. She opens the gifts: Onesies and booties, receiving blankets, a Busy Box.
    Â Â Â They have gone to a lot of trouble for her. Agnes would never have expected it. She hovers in a weird state between gratification and extreme embarrassment.
    Â Â Â "We would have invited the father, but Mike didn't know who he was, and of course you told us nothing," says Jeff.
    Â Â Â When the presents have been opened, and the cake is about to be cut, Agnes pulls Jeff Tetter aside and tells him that she's not pregnant.
    Â Â Â "Hmm," says Tetter thoughtfully. "Why did Mike say it, then?"
    Â Â Â "I told him I was."
    Â Â Â "See, Agnes, that's how these little mix-ups start."
    Â Â Â "I didn't think he'd believe me," says Agnes. "It was a social lie. I didn't want to see him anymore, so...." Her voice trails off.
    Â Â Â Tetter shrugs. "Next time you might want to consider the bit about having to wash your hair. It's an old wheeze, but it's tried-and-true. Or terminal cancer—at least you won't be subjected to any awkward parties. All right, everybody," he says to the gathering, "let's break out that cake. Please be sure Agnes gets the flower. And let's make ourselves comfortable for Agnes's little speech. It's sure to be interesting."

    * * *
    That afternoon Barbara calls Agnes. Agnes tells her about the baby shower.
    Â Â Â "I'm sorry I wasn't there," says Barbara. "You got what you so richly deserved."
    Â Â Â "I have nothing to be ashamed of," says Agnes.
    Â Â Â "That's debatable. You'll be gratified to know that Jack left me with a lovely parting gift—a first-class bladder infection. I tell him again and again that you can't go in the front way after you've been in the back door."
    Â Â Â "You sound like you're in a good mood," says Agnes. "You're not usually so merry about the Pinboy."
    Â Â Â "What can you do, Agnes? They come and they go. There'll be other men— maybe none with Jack's intriguing mix of intellect and poetry and violent animal passion—but there'll be others."
    Â Â Â "That's sensible, sort of."
    Â Â Â "And I have great news. Remember my director's audition? Well, I got it. I'm in. I'm a director. So now I don't have to shake my ass around at auditions anymore, or at least not as much. I plan to spend the rest of my life ordering mindless actors around and thoroughly enjoying it."
    Â Â Â Agnes congratulates her.
    Â Â Â "We go into rehearsal next Monday," says Barbara. "I've got a million things