life."
"That's one word for it," she muttered.
He winced, then nodded. "I know. He's unstable, but at the time, he seemed confident. He seemed like a leader. I wasn't those things, and I wanted to learn to be. I thought Darian could teach me."
"Those things come with time. There are no shortcuts." Now I'm lecturing him? When did my life become so weird?
"It took me a long time to learn that."
Something in his tone said there was more. "But--?"
"By then, I'd alienated everyone but Darian and a few others. Even my sisters considered me a lost cause."
"So why didn't you get rid of Darian then?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I wanted to, but—"
"You couldn't figure out how to without looking foolish, so you waited until Darian did something unforgivable."
His throat bobbed. "Yeah. I guess that describes it well enough."
Again, he'd stunned her. It took a moment for Julianna to collect her wits.
"Why did you come here?" At the last moment, she reminded herself not to call him by name.
"For you." That time it was matter of fact and not a seduction.
"You think it's that simple?" The heat gathered in her stomach, and Julianna felt the need to strike out at him. Her sight went red-tinged.
"No," he admitted. "I know it's not."
Julianna didn't know how to answer that, so she waited to see what he would say next.
"I want you. I've always wanted you. If you can't be with me after—" He rolled his hand in demonstration of a vague collection of reasons she might have. "—I understand. I won't hound you for it. I think I've squandered my right to pursue you."
He waited for a moment to see if she would form an answer. When she failed to, he nodded and turned away, making his way back to Regina Hall, his shoulders slumped.
Julianna watched him go, her mouth and throat dry. Tears stung at her eyes, and her emotions were in a flat spin.
Tyler was no end of surprises. She'd almost expected to see him cry. Or beg.
Would that I could trust him...
What? I would give him precisely what he wants? Not a chance.
* * * *
Three days later
Julianna reached for the doorknob, then pulled her hand back. For the third time. Night Mother, when did I become so indecisive?
The answer to that wasn't hard to come by. Anytime she considered the open-ended possibility Tyler had left her with, she became indecisive.
He hadn't said he wanted her as his mate.
Good thing. I am so not going there.
He'd just said he wanted her.
I want him too. She could admit that much without appearing weak. Tyler was a gorgeous male, and she'd weathered thirteen heats since she'd known what he was to her. Thirteen heats, with him right across campus and unavailable to me.
He's available now. And she was going into another heat. Julianna shied when she thought about that part.
I shouldn't. This is the answer. She considered that carefully, working her way through the possibilities.
If they weren't mates, any young she carried were her own, and—despite his status in the pack—Tyler would have no hold over them. If he later had heirs, her own son or sons could challenge for the position of heir, if they chose to. But the same would be true of any children he sired out of mating.
I could have children. After Tyler alienated her, Julianna had given up on the idea of children. She didn't want another male, and she certainly didn't want Tyler long-term.
But I can have him for this.
That decided, she grasped the doorknob and turned it. Each step she took was easier, and in no time at all, she was across campus and approaching Regina Hall.
Julianna rehearsed the lie that Tyler had invited her on the way. She'd never been an adept liar, and the idea of lying had her palms sweating.
She pasted on a smile and breezed into Regina Hall. The smile faded, and she looked around in disbelief. She'd expected to have to pass a guard or porter on her way to the stairway up to the Alpha levels, but the foyer was deserted.
As were the stairs. Halfway up,