Among the Dead by Michael Tolkin Page B

on his father. He wasn’t sure if his father had ever really liked Anna, but his father had loved Madeleine, his first grandchild, and her shining armada of promises. And his mother, what had she thought of his wife? Did his mother love Anna for loving the son no other woman had ever loved? It was true, Frank had never really said ‘I love you’ to anyone who said ‘I love you’ to him until Anna. Did his mother love his wife for being the daughter she never had, finally to have a woman in the family who would keep her best jewellery after she died? And then to have a granddaughter! So his mother loved Anna for what she brought to the family, although he wasn’t sure if his mother loved Anna for herself. And perhaps his mother was, at least before the wedding, suspicious of Anna for loving this awkward, unlovable boy, although Anna’s love for Frank may have taught his mother something about him, that he was capable of love. Or did his mother love Anna simply because she married a twenty-eight-year-old who had never lived with a woman and whose brother was homosexual? Yes, it was possible that his mother would have loved any woman he had married, because thewoman who married Frank rescued Ethel and Leon from having two homosexual sons. So his mother could say that Lowell’s homosexuality was nature, not nurture.
    Lowell asked Frank if he wanted a drink.
    â€˜I don’t know,’ said Frank.
    â€˜Why not?’
    â€˜You can have one if you want,’ said Frank.
    â€˜But why don’t you want one?’
    â€˜I’d like to know what my feelings are.’
    â€˜There’s no shame in wanting to give yourself a little warmth,’ said Lowell. ‘You’re not some kind of Mormon. You can have a drink.’
    Frank wanted to ask his brother how he could be so sure of Mormon grieving rituals, but checked himself.
    â€˜I want to stay sharp,’ said Lowell, ‘in case you need help.’
    â€˜What do you need to be sharp for?’
    â€˜If your wife and daughter had been killed in a car crash ... it would be different, but this, this is ...’
    â€˜What are you trying to say?’ Frank cut into Lowell’s meandering thoughts quickly, even with a suggestion of impatience and cruelty, telling his brother that to be anything but precise and honest, right now, was morally without defence.
    â€˜If they died with no one else, if it was their fault ...’
    â€˜What are you trying to say?’ Frank felt himself rising towards hysteria, and this flight into a vicious rage at his brother’s pauses felt to him like the first good thing that had happened since he heard that his family was dead.
    â€˜The airline is keeping you here because they know that this is going to cost them millions of dollars, if it’s their fault. And I need to be sharp, to make sure that someone doesn’t get you alone and try to put your signature on a settlement.’
    â€˜So why couldn’t you just say that?’ Frank heard himself scream at his brother.
    Lowell stopped crying. ‘Because I’m thinking about money and I wish I weren’t.’
    The phone rang again. Frank picked it up.
    â€˜Mr Gale?’
    â€˜Yes.’
    â€˜This is Bettina Welch. I met you this afternoon.’
    â€˜Yes.’
    â€˜I’m here in the command centre, in the ballroom. It’s extensiontwo-oh-one-five. Or you can just ask the operator to connect you. We’re down here on the mezzanine level if you want to come -we’re available for all the survivors. Or you can stay in the room and you can order room service if you’re hungry, of course, or you can join us down here. The buffet will be open all night.’
    â€˜Thank you,’ said Frank, aware of his automatically good manners. Frank thought there was something dishonest in calling him a survivor, an inflation. The survivors were the people who were on the plane but didn’t die.