An Accidental Life by Pamela Binnings Ewen Page A

sideways look. “At least, not yet. But I’ll tell you if it happens.”
    Rebecca swung her eyes back to her friend, and Amalise added, “And besides, your skin is positively glowing. I don’t know how I missed this.”
    “It’s just hormones, Amalise.”
    “So, when will you tell Peter?”
    She squeezed her eyes shut for an instant. “I guess I’ll have to do that on this trip. But, Amalise, he’s not like Jude. Peter works into the night most evenings. His life is structured; every minute on his calendar is filled.” She hesitated, watching Amalise. “I don’t even know if he’ll be happy about this surprise. This will change our lives completely.”
    Vehemently, Amalise shook her head. “I think you’re wrong. You’re underestimating Peter, Rebecca. He’s a good man. He’s—”
    “Men have a right to their choices, too, you know.” She drew a long, deep breath. “I know my husband. The moment Peter understands that I’m pregnant, he’ll see me as a different woman. Over time our relationship will change.”
    “The word is ‘we.’”
    “What?”
    “You’re both parents of this child. The operative word is ‘we.’”
    “I’ll be the one with all the responsibility.”
    Amalise brushed her hand over her eyes. “Oh Rebecca.” She leaned forward, fixing her eyes on Rebecca’s across the desk. “Look. You can do this. There’s a life growing in you, Rebecca. A baby, a gift from God. A special blessing.”
    Rebecca ducked her head. “I don’t have your kind of faith, you know. I wish I did. I wish that I had a star to follow, like you.”
    “Then look for it! Find it.”
    “What?” She looked up.
    “If anything should convince you there’s more than we can ever hope to understand, it’s that little spark of new life inside of you.” She held Rebecca’s eyes. “Medically, scientifically, a baby is a miracle. You’re a lawyer. Check out the facts.”
    Rebecca leaned her head back against the chair, closing her eyes and remembering the pictures in that pamphlet that Dr. Matlock had given her, imagining the baby inside of her. Suddenly, with the force of lightning new images arose, submerging the beauty of the infant in a raging storm of emotions. She could see the pink bicycle mangled under the wheel of the car. She could hear someone screaming in the distance, she could hear the car horn blaring. And she could see that one little shoe near the curb.
    Her hands flew up to cover her ears; and the images disappeared.
    Embarrassed, she looked up. From across the desk, Amalise stared. Amalise would never understand, she thought as she brushed back her hair, lifted it from her neck, and let it fall around her shoulders. No one could ever understand the desperate panic filling her, and the need for something solid to hold onto. Rebecca Downer Jacobs, a woman who’d always prided herself on overcoming emotions, found herself drowning in them now. Suddenly she realized that she had to leave.
    Pushing back the chair, abruptly she rose. With a bright smile, she said to Amalise, “Listen, Peter will be here soon.”
    Amalise stood, silent, still studying her face.
    “Our flight leaves at four, so I’d better get back to my office. I’ve got a lot to do.” Heading for the door, she said over her shoulders, “You know how it is when you’re trying to get away, Amalise. Sydney’s got questions; Rose Marie has questions.”
    But Amalise had reached her. Rebecca turned and was swept into a hug. Tears rose and she blinked them back as she rested her head on Amalise’s shoulder for an instant. Just for one moment.
    “I’m always here, you know,” Amalise whispered in her ear.
    “I know.” Rebecca nodded as she pulled away.
    But Amalise pressed both hands on Rebecca’s shoulders, gripping them, holding her eyes. “Talk to Peter while you’re on this trip. Give him some credit, Rebecca. I know you’ll make the right decision. And the moment you feel that baby move, your life will