ARC: Essence by Lisa Ann O'Kane Page B

intended.
    “Whoa. What’s with the attitude?” Ryder flashed a smile and the cover of a well-worn book. “ The Beach , by Alex Garland. Ever read it?”
    “No.” I continued walking.
    “Hold up a sec.” He jumped from his seat and rushed to intercept me. “Why are you in such a rush? Are you pissed at me for something?”
    “No.” I stared at a spot on the floor. Watch it, Autumn. That’s the face he apparently gives everyone here.
    “Unhappy with your chore assignment?”
    I started. “I haven’t gotten my chore assignment yet. That’s where I’m going right now.”
    “Oh.” He took a step sideways to let me pass. “Well, I just asked, and I’m kinda bummed. I was hoping you’d be assigned to the clinic with me, but it looks like my old man put you at the stables.” He shrugged. “It’s a good gig – you’ll be there with Cody – but I was kinda hoping…” He let the sentence trail off. “I was hoping you and me might get to spend some more time together during the day. You know?”
    His words made me woozy, but I forced myself to begin walking away. “Yeah,” I managed. “That’s too bad.”
    “Hey, and Red?” Ryder was beside me again. “I’m sorry I didn’t see you at the bonfire last night. I looked for you after dinner, but there were just so many people, you know?”
    He paused. “I was thinking… There’s supposed to be this great meteor shower tonight. Everyone’s watching in the Meadow, so… maybe we could share a blanket or something?”
    I hoped he wouldn’t notice my blush. “No,” I stammered. “I… I’m not sure if I’ll make it tonight or not. I still have a lot of moving in to do.”
     
    It was a lame excuse, but I tried to tell myself it didn’t matter. I tried to tell myself I hadn’t wanted to spend time with Ryder anyway, but the truth is, I became hyper-aware of him during dinner that night. The meal was a much less ornate affair in the Ahwahnee’s interior dining room, and he seemed to be aware of me, too. I kept catching him staring as he stood in the buffet line, leaning like a cowboy against a tall stone pillar.
    Javi noticed my preoccupation. When we returned to our tent cabin after dinner, he disappeared and then reemerged with a huge patchwork quilt. Holding it up hopefully, he said, “So I hear there’s this meteor shower tonight. I know you’ve had a long day, but maybe… Wanna watch it with me?”
    I didn’t – not really – but I said yes anyway. And the smile that split Javi’s face almost made me forget about Ryder.
    Almost.
     
    The Meadow was packed. It was late, but even the children and babies were still awake, dressed in pastel nightgowns and spread onto quilts and blankets with their young parents.
    I couldn’t believe I was surrounded by so many wives and husbands and fathers. Hadn’t I always secretly longed for the affection and tenderness of Outsider families? Hadn’t I always been jealous of their unity, of the way they showed their love for each other without feeling bad about it?
    But here, crowded together in the middle of this meadow, I couldn’t decide if I felt pleased or terrified by them. Their laughter, their entwined hands and the way the girls rested their heads in the crooks of the boys’ arms… It was almost too much to process.
    I hesitated for a moment in the grass, but then Kadence waved us over. “Come sit with me,” she said. I shook off my discomfort, and I tried to smile and remember her friends’ names as Javi spread our blanket on the grass beside them.
    As I waited, I couldn’t help but look for Ryder in the shifting crowd. When I finally spotted him, half lit on a blanket beside Cody, Jett and two girls I didn’t recognize, his face was luminous with candlelight. A curl of smoke twisted from his lips, and one of the girls laughed and reached sideways to run a hand through his hair.
    I found myself stewing when Javi reached up to touch my wrist. “Blanket’s all ready.”
    Nestled