Are You Still There by Sarah Lynn Scheerger Page B

as I can. I try to ignore the tingling on my arm from where our skin connected.
    â€œOkay.” He grins, palms flat up in the air again. “That sounds fun.”

Stranger’s Manifesto
    Entry 9
    I knew.
    I freaking knew.
    Not in my brain.
    But somewhere deep in my bones.
    I knew .
    And I did nothing to stop it.
    The shoulda-woulda of the guilt train
    Reminds me
    Every time I close my eyes.
    That’s why I have to do something now.
    Even if people hate me for it.
    Implementing my plan is painfully easy,
    Because there are perks
    To being invisible.
    No one feels the heat of my eyes watching
    Or wonders what I’m doing out of class.
    No one sees me lurking by lockers.
    So planting playing cards is a freaking piece of cake.
    I’ve got to practically wave the clues under their noses.
    That’s how stupid they are.
    Or maybe just how
    Inconsequential
    I am.

14
    MID-NOVEMBER
    A-minus on the government test, 89.99 percent.
    Eric moves past my desk after Mr. Thurber hands out the graded exams.
    â€œSee?” he whispers. “I told you not to worry.”
    â€œHow’d you do that?”
    â€œMagic.” He winks. “I have my ways.” He slides into his own seat.
    I shake my head and smile.
    Eric follows me at passing period and corners me at my locker. “If we’re study partners, I guarantee you’ll ace all your government tests.”
    â€œYeah?” I say, trying to pull the trash out of my locker. I’ve got to keep my grades up, at least until I get my acceptance letters. Then maybe I can let things slide. “Want to form a study group? If we invite Beth she’ll bring Oreos. Her mom buys them in bulk.”
    â€œHow about just you and me?”
    I look up, and Eric’s all shifty, like he just asked me out on a date or something.
    Life is crazy. For seventeen years no guy has ever noticed me, and now all of a sudden I’ve got two who want to hang out? Mom might be a little more approving of a study-date kind of thing, and who could be more brilliant than Eric?
    â€œI don’t have much time,” I tell him.
    â€œWell, you have to study, right?”
    â€œGood point. I get home from clinic at seven thirty on Thursday. Want to come over then?” Mom won’t mind, I don’t think. She’ll be happy I’m studying, and we’ll sit at the kitchen table so there isn’t any stress about bringing a boy into my room.
    â€œSure,” he says, like this is what he’s been waiting for.
    â€œMy mom’s a health-food nut, so don’t expect chips or candy. You like carrot sticks?”
    He looks at me like I’m kidding.
    Mom is buzzing. Zipping around in the kitchen, hovering by the fridge, then organizing our junk drawer and fixing some snacks of veggies, hummus, and sliced triangles of whole-grain pita bread. “Eric is such a focused young man.” The study date meets her standards, apparently. Mom has known Eric since junior year’s academic decathlon, when he blew everyone away with his brilliance.
    â€œYou’re not going to hang around here while we study, are you?” I ask her.
    Mom says “no” so trigger-fast that I know she’s lying.
    â€œI am.” Chloe smirks. “Should be fun.”
    â€œYou can’t interrupt them, Chloe,” Mom warns, pretending like she wasn’t planning to do exactly the same thing.
    â€œI won’t interrupt them. I’ll study. You want me to study too, don’t you, Mom?”
    Mom is stuck. I can see her thinking through her answers, wondering how she can tell Chloe to stay away from us without insulting Chloe’s academic potential, and without implicitly condoning Eric and me spending time alone . So she just shrugs and says, “As long as everyone’s staying productive,” and continues buzzing around the room.
    An hour later, Eric and I sit at the kitchen table, nearly elbow to elbow. “I thought you were