At the Water's Edge by Harper Bliss Page B

love.” But what if you do? A voice in my head asks.  
    “I wouldn’t expect you to tell your old dad even if something was blossoming between the two of you.” Dad sends me a sad smile.
    It’s different talking to him. Although he carries a lot of anger inside of him as well, it’s often obliterated by guilt—something I can relate to much easier than my mother’s eternal victimhood.
    As much as I would like to sit here all afternoon and discuss the merits of Kay Brody, I have a much more pressing matter to talk through with my dad.
    “I’m worried about Mom.” Because I recognize the signs , I want to add. “She came to see me yesterday and—”
    “She has nothing left to hold on to. The thought of you was basically the only thing that kept her going. Your phone calls once a month if we were lucky. Still, hearing your voice always perked her up. Until…”
    Despite knowing all too well it would be like this, the blame being piled upon me so quickly and resolutely pierces like a dagger through my heart. My nails bite into my palms as I clench my fists tightly.
    “What you did was the final straw. It broke her. And me, for that matter.” He quickly wipes away a tear dripping from the corner of his eye.
    “What I did?” I barely have the energy left to break out in anger.
    “Do you have any idea what it does to a parent to have to take that call? To have some stranger tell you that your child, the human being you created, tried to end their life?”
    I have no response. I just sit there, tears falling into my beer. Because what can I possibly say to that? I try to think of what Dr. Hakim would say. This is another one of the scenarios we practiced—but I could never fully commit because it was just too damned painful.
    I’m so choked up I can’t even apologize.
    My dad does it for me. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Ellie.” He holds up his hands. “This is not how I want it to be.” His words remind me of the general status of my entire life. “You have to understand… after Nina left, to fill that void, we pinned it all on you. And then you came out… and I know I’m not supposed to say this—I know that very well—but, at the time, it was a blow. One we recovered from quite well. Even brought your mother and I a bit closer together in the end, but you were too far away to notice at that point. Something I don’t blame you for. I’ve had a lot of time to think, Ellie, and I fully realize it must have been hard for you to tell us, this broken family that barely held it together.”
    Brain fuzzed by an onslaught of tears, I’m amazed by my dad’s words. He would never speak like that with my mother in the room. Or, perhaps, I have made a few misdirected assumptions over the years—held on to certain ideas that took on a life of their own in my head.  
    “But to recover from this.” Dad shakes his head in slow, desperate movements. “I don’t know.”
    “I don’t want to run anymore.” The words tumble from my mouth in hesitant stutters. “It’s why I came back.”
    “I know, sweetheart. I know.” Dad knocks back the rest of his beer, signaling Joe for another round. It was a huge mistake to meet him here, in a public place, but Dad seems undeterred by his own tears—and mine.
    “I don’t even know where to begin.” For the first time since arriving, I look him straight in the face. His skin is deeply wrinkled and his breath comes heavy. A sad soul trapped in an unhealthy body.
    “How about this—” He pauses as Joe plants another round of beers on our table. “Why don’t you invite your new friend Kay over for dinner? I’ll make my signature beef stew. It won’t just be the three of us.” He cocks his head. “Which means your mother will behave.” A small smile creeps along his lips, erasing the sadness for an instant.
    The unexpected kindness coming from this man I’ve only seen as sullen and resigned to his gloomy fate in the past twenty years, floors me. For the