Ava XOX by Carol Weston Page A

my diary and you can’t laugh or tell anyone, I will tell you what I did next: I started to cry. To bawl .
    â€œWhoa, whoa, Ava, I can buy you a new pack,” Pip offered.
    â€œChuck gave me that pack ,” I said, gulping. “You can’t just replace it. It was special. It was”—I looked up at Ben’s card on her bulletin board—“like a valentine.”
    â€œChuck?” Pip asked, wide-eyed. “Chuck-Chuck?”
    I nodded and felt like an idiot.
    â€œYou should have told me.”
    I shrugged, because what was I supposed to have told her? That I had a crush on my best guy friend since kindergarten, but he was going out with Headband Kelli? Or that Chuck gave me a pack of gum, and it felt like a present. And a secret. A secret present.
    I hadn’t told anyone. Not even Maybelle!
    Some things are so private, I can only tell you .
    What I did say was, “Pip, I have secrets too.”
    â€œI’m sorry, Ava, I didn’t know,” she said softly.
    I nodded and finally said, “It’s all right.” I liked that lately Pip has been acting more like a big sister. “But don’t take any more pieces!”
    â€œOf course not!”
    â€œPinkie promise?”
    â€œPinkie promise,” she said, and we hooked pinkies. And now I’m going to sleep because I’m tired as can be.
    AVA, A TO ZZZZ

2/23
IN HOMEROOM
    DEAR DIARY,
    I asked Dad if I could stay home from school instead of going to the emergency assembly. He said no but offered to sit in the back if I wanted. I was about to say sure, but then I pictured Rorie and Lacey and Valeria and Jayda and Mackie making fun of me for having my “daddy” there to protect me. So I said, “It’s okay.” The words came out funny, because each one had to get around the lump in my throat. And because it was not okay.
    Pip and I walked to school, and on the way, I asked if she knew who Kelli was. She said, “The pretty blond girl who’s kind of full of herself?”
    â€œYes,” I said. But then I thought: Aren’t we all full of ourselves? Who else could we be full of?
    AVA, TRYING TO HAVE PERSPECTIVE
    PS Then again, I still don’t get why Chuck even likes her. Does he truly like-like her? Why did she ever have to move to Misty Oaks anyway?

2/23
IN THE LIBRARY AFTER LUNCH BUT BEFORE THE ASSEMBLY
    DEAR DIARY,
    It feels like everyone keeps looking at me. I think everyone heard that a group of older kids ganged up on a fifth grader and “defaced her property.” But I think everyone also heard that the kid was an insensitive smarty-pants know-it-all who was so full of herself that she’d probably tell Santa to go on a diet. And I think everyone knows exactly who’s who and thinks it’s my fault the P-E-P rally got postponed. Which I guess it is.
    Still, here’s why it doesn’t really feel fair:
    1. I would never tell Santa to go on a diet.
    2. I’m not insensitive. If anything, I’m too sensitive.
    3. If Tanya hadn’t asked for tips, I would never have come up with the list.
    All I mean is, well , I’m not a mean person; I’m a well - mean ing person.
    Since you’re my diary, I will admit two things. Number one, I guess I’d been hoping that people would like our tips and Bea and I might even get a little recognition. (Is that a crime?) And number two, I did say something mean out loud today at lunch. I told Zara that I thought Kelli’s rainbow headband was stupid-looking. I couldn’t help it. It just popped out.
    Instead of agreeing, Zara said, “But, Ava, why do you care so much? Maham wears colorful hijabs, and I bet you don’t think twice about it.” I looked at Maham, and it was true: today the hijab covering her head and neck is peacock blue, and other days she wears other colors, and I barely notice. (I used to, back when she first came to school.) And believe me, I realize that a head