Ball Peen Hammer by Lauren Rowe Page B

broken up with me when I’ve acted like a dick. I’ve just never been ‘friend-zoned’ before. Every single time I’ve been sexually attracted to a woman and made a move, she’s been sexually attracted to me in return. And then, just to be clear, that’s the part of the story when we’ve had fucking awesome sex.”
    Maddy blushes.
    “So, hey,” I say. “We’ve gotten sidetracked again . Finish telling me about Shoot Like a Girl . You’ve got my full attention—although I should mention that’s a lot like having the full attention of a gnat, so don’t get too excited.”
    Maddy laughs. “How about this—given your gnat-like attention span, I’ll try to make my movie sound as much like Ironman as humanly possible.”
    “Excellent plan.”
    Maddy proceeds to tell me a shit-ton more about her movie, throwing in the phrase “and then everyone put on an iron suit” at random intervals, and I must admit, her excitement for her movie is infectious. “My favorite part was the juxtaposition of the male experience with the female one. For example, I’d show a bunch of the guys talking about their dreams of going into the NBA and buying houses for their mothers, and then I’d immediately toggle to female athletes saying they knew their college careers wouldn’t lead to fame or fortune, but they played for the love of the game and their teammates, or maybe I’d show them playing in an empty stadium.”
    “Very cool,” I say.
    “Is that k-e-w-l?” Maddy asks.
    “Absolutely. Great word, bee tee dubs: juxtaposition .” I stop and think for a beat. “‘When an army of neuroscientists studied and compared the very large brain of Maddy Milliken with the pea-sized brain of Keane Morgan, they couldn’t help noticing the juxtaposition was a stark one, indeed.’”
    Maddy laughs.
    “So, anyway,” I say. “You were saying?”
    “No, no, I’m done talking. You’ve now heard everything there is to hear about my movie. Sorry my explanation was so long. You must be pulling your hair out from boredom.”
    “Not at all,” I say. “I feel like I just watched a TED talk. And, just so you know, even if you’d bored me to tears (which you didn’t), I wouldn’t pull out even a strand of my glorious blue mane. My azure locks are my crowning glory.”
    Maddy giggles. “You’re so funny, Keane.”
    “I might be funny, but you’re amazing. Seriously, Maddy, you’re the Steve Jobs of documentaries.”
    “Oh my gosh, Keane, you’re making me blush.”
    “I’ve noticed that’s not a hard thing to do.”
    Maddy blushes again.
    “So when can I see this masterpiece of yours, Scorsese? Gimme some popcorn and Milk Duds and sign me the fuck up.”
    Maddy’s face lights up. “You’d watch my movie? Wow. Well, you can watch it tonight, if you want. It’s on a hard drive in my bag.”
    “Hell yeah, I wanna watch it tonight. We’ll do a basketball-documentary double-header: Shoot Like a Girl and that other basketball documentary, too—the porno you mentioned.”
    “ Hoop Dreams ?”
    “That’s the one. I should warn you, though: I’ve never watched a documentary before, other than at school and on ESPN. You’ll be popping my documentary-cherry, so be gentle with me.”
    “Oh, don’t you worry, baby doll,” Maddy says, her eyes flitting from the road to me, a devious smile on her lips. “When I pop a guy’s cherry, I always make sure the lucky guy experiences nothing but extreme and outrageous pleasure .” She winks and then bursts out laughing at herself.
     
     

Chapter 12
    Keane
     
    Oh my God, I think Maddy Milliken just sent a subliminal message to the pleasure-center in my brain. Because, I swear to God, when she said the word “pleasure” and shot me that naughty look to go along with it, my dick kinda tingled a little bit.
    I open my mouth to reply to her—intending to sling some sexual innuendo back at her to make those cheeks of hers burn extra hot—but I get thwarted by the song that