Banana Muffins & Mayhem by Janel Gradowski Page B

to do. Carla's father and I were all about living the American dream with the white picket fence, dog, and kids. Just like pretty much everybody else we knew. Becoming a mother was expected of me, I felt, but I have to say I have never regretted having Carla."
    Amy nodded as she began unraveling another braid. "Carla keeps telling me that while Macy wasn't planned, she can't imagine her life without the baby now."
    "But you doubt whether you would feel that way." Geri twisted around to grab her mug from the table. She looked up at Amy. Concern wrinkled her forehead. "That's okay, you know. Life never turns out well when you try to conform to someone else's idea of perfection. You know how you feel in your heart. Be proud of your choices, and don't let anybody make you feel guilty about them." She took a sip of tea. "Amy, I know you are a very strong woman with a wonderful, caring heart. But that doesn't mean you have to care for your own herd of rug rats, if you know that's not what you want. You'll just end up miserable."
    Amy tried to loosen the band on another braid, but her hands were shaking so badly that it slipped from her fingers. "Nobody has ever put it that way."
    Geri patted Amy's knee. "I know you're struggling with the decision to have or not have children. Trust your gut, or your heart, or your intuition…whatever you want to call it. I think you already know the correct choice for you, but you're afraid to admit it, maybe even to yourself. Look at Tommy. She doesn't have a child, has never been married either, and is still as happy as a clam. A successful life is made from things that make you happy, whatever or whoever they are. And if being a mother isn't one of those things, then that's okay. As of right now, I'm giving you the permission to make the right choice for you and to be proud of it."
    Permission. A tear dropped on the back of Amy's hand. That's what she'd been looking for all along as she struggled with deciding whether she wanted to become a mother. Her own mother had never helped her with the decision, choosing instead to ask when she was going to become a grandmother during her infrequent check-in calls. It seemed as though the fact that Amy might not want to have children had never even occurred to her.
    "Thank you," Amy whispered as she resumed undoing the braids. It felt as though her life was doing the same thing. The restrictive tangles were coming undone, but the results weren't bad. Just different. Alex had admitted that he had only pushed her about getting pregnant because he thought that was what she wanted but was afraid to take the final step. It turned out he didn't feel an intense desire to become a father either. She didn't want to have children. And that decision finally felt okay, not like an apology to humanity or hideous declaration of selfishness. She had the right to remain childless and that was her decision, not a failure to meet an obligation of someone else's ideals.
    A half hour later, Amy had shown Geri how to style her hair three different ways, from a casual, twisted bun to a sleek ponytail. As she twisted a rope of hair back away from Geri's face, Amy asked, "So when are you going to tell me about your date?"
    Geri's smile was so wide it could've been featured in an orthodontist advertisement. "He's a retired high school teacher who is an artist now. We're meeting for lunch on Monday."
    "Nice. Are you excited or scared?"
    "Both!" Geri rubbed the palms of her hands on her knees. "I'm not lonely being surrounded by friends and family, but it still feels like a tiny piece of my life is missing. The divorce put my life in a blender for a long time. But I think I'm ready to start dating again. If I don't have a nervous breakdown trying to figure out what to do with my hair before I get to the restaurant. Thank you for helping me with this."
    "I still love doing hair, so it's been my pleasure. Don't ever hesitate to ask if you need some help…with anything."
    Geri looked