Behaving Badly by Isabel Wolff Page B

caught his eye, and he looked away and immediately began chatting to the man on his left. He was determined to ignore me. I wouldn’t let him. I announced the winners—the first prize went to the aristocratic-looking woman with the borzoi—then it was the Fancy Dress.
    ‘This is always a very popular category,’ said Caroline, ‘so we have a big field. Would all the competitors please walk their dogs round.’ There was a bichon frise dressed as a French onion-seller and the boxer I’d just seen, now in stars and stripes boxer shorts. There was a Rottweiler dressed as an angel, complete with gold halo, and a puli in a Rastafarian hat. There were two Pekes in tutus, a corgi in a headscarf, and a Sheltie in a pink feather boa, which was making it sneeze. There was a wolfhound dressed as Little Red Riding Hood and a Newfoundland wearing fairy wings. Finally, there was a dachshund dressed as a shiny Christmas cracker, its nose just visible through the crimped end. I looked over to where Jimmy had been standing, but he’d gone.
    ‘Are you ready to announce the winners?’ Caroline asked me.
    ‘I am. In joint third place are—number seventeen, the regal looking corgi, and the Christmas cracker dachshund, number twelve. In second place is—number eight, the very Gallic-looking bichon frise. But the first prize for the Fancy Dress category goes to—the Angel Rottweiler!’ Everyone applauded. This seemed to be a popular choice.
    ‘And finally,’ said Caroline, ‘we come to “Pup Idol”, the canine karaoke competition, the result of which will be decided by you all, in a popular vote. So thanks to Miranda Sweet for being such a great judge.’ My duties done, I stepped down. This was my chance to find Jimmy, while the dogshow was still going on. ‘Now, we’ve got a selection of songs here,’ Caroline went on, ‘so may we please have the first of our three talented contestants—Desmond the Dalmatian?’ Desmond and his owner stepped up onto the podium and Caroline passed them the mike. Then she pressed the button on the sound system. A familiar song started up.
    ‘ Ebony and ivory… ’
    The dog threw back its head.
    ‘Woooow-ow-owwww-oooo…’
    ‘ Live together in perfect harmony… ’
    ‘Ooooo-woowwww-ow-ow-ow…’
    ‘ Side by side on my piano keyboard…oh Lord… ’
    ‘Ow-ow-oooooowwww…’
    ‘Why don’t we-ee?’
    ‘Oowwoowwwwwwwwwwww…’
    ‘—That’s rather good,’ I heard someone say as I moved through the crowd.
    ‘—Yes, very nice tone.’
    ‘—Bit of an obvious choice though.’
    ‘—But the diction’s clear.’
    ‘—Hmm—you can almost make out the words.’
    The song went on for another minute or so, then Caroline faded down the music. Desmond stepped down to a burst of applause and the Christmas cracker dachshund stepped up.
    ‘Now,’ said Caroline, as I stood by the rope and scanned the crowd, ‘we have Pretzel, who, you may remember, won the event last year. And this year Pretzel has chosen a very challenging classical number, the Queen of the Night’s solo from The Magic Flute !’
    ‘—That is a brave choice,’ I heard someone say. ‘Notoriously difficult.’
    ‘—Hmm,’ acknowledged his friend. ‘Let’s hope she’s got the range for it.’

    ‘—And the breathing of course!’
    ‘—Gosh, yes .’
    The orchestra swelled to a crescendo, and the dog started to vocalize.
    ‘Yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yaaap !
    ‘Yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yaaap !
    ‘Yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap…’
    ‘—Not bad,’ said the connoisseur appreciatively.
    ‘—She’s hitting those top notes pretty well.’
    ‘—She’s not really a coloratura though, let’s face it.’ ‘—Oooh, I wouldn’t say that.’
    ‘Yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yaaap !’
    ‘—Sounds a bit like Maria Callas, if you ask me.’
    ‘—More like Lesley Garrett.’
    ‘Yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yaaap !’
    Pretzel’s performance was enthusiastically