Behind the Moon by Hsu-Ming Teo Page B

there in the loose white silk trousers of her ao dai and a matching white lace bra that contrasted starkly with her dark skin.
    At this moment, she reached a point of no return. She had humiliated herself so completely that she had nothing left to lose. So she took a deep breath, reached around her back and unhooked her bra. She forced her lips to tilt up into a smile, turned to Justin and said, ‘Okay. Let’s try this again.’
    And that was when she noticed the look of horror on Justin’s face. He wrenched open the car door and stumbled out.
    Tien sat there in the front seat of Annabelle Cheong’s car, her bra hanging loosely from its shoulder straps. She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them, they were wet with tears. She dashed them away and swiped her hand under her nose like a little kid.
    ‘What’s wrong with me?’ she whispered.
    ‘Hey. Don’t cry.’
    Tien heard the car door opening. Justin climbed back in. She could not look at him. She remembered that she only had her trousers and bra on. She crossed her arms over her breasts and turned her back to him.
    Justin shrugged off his dinner jacket and wrapped it around Tien. He hugged her and said, ‘I’m sorry.’
    ‘I feel so stupid,’ she sniffed. ‘I don’t know what to say to you now.’
    ‘Me neither,’ he admitted.
    ‘I guess you think I’m a slut.’
    ‘Nah, no way. I was just, I don’t know, taken by surprise. Yeah.’
    She dashed the tears away from her eyes and looked out the side window. ‘I know I’m not pretty or anything. It’s just that I thought you’d want to. I mean, I thought all guys want to if they get a chance. And it’s not like I’m expecting, you know, anything after.’
    He looked at her and recognised her low expectations of life in himself. For the first time since he’d known her, he felt that he understood her—this twin soul who believed she could snatch a fistful of happiness in the front seat of a car and that it might just be enough to get her through. In understanding, he loved her a little and his voice was tender as he uttered the age-old cliché: ‘It’s not you, Tien. It’s me. It was just such a shock. I’m sorry I didn’t handle it better.’
    He shut his eyes for a moment and thought of his parents. He took a deep breath and said, ‘You looked really beautiful tonight, Tien. You sure you want to do this with me?’
    She turned around slowly and, even through the darkness, he could see that she was radiant with incredulous hope. Hesitantly, she reached for his hand and gripped it tightly. ‘Of course I want to. If you want to, that is.’
    ‘Yeah, me too.’ He could do this, he told himself. He would make himself want her, like any normal guy. ‘I just don’t want you to be sorry after.’
    ‘No! I couldn’t be. I want you to be the first. I l—’
    He put his hand over her mouth quickly and said, ‘Don’t say it, okay? In fact, let’s agree right now that we won’t say anything. We’ll just do it but we won’t talk about it ’cos we don’t need words. Okay?’
    She nodded silently and he kissed her on that full wide mouth smudged with lipstick. The car was still running. He shifted the gear. ‘Let’s go somewhere more private, eh?’
    They drove towards the Potts Hill reservoirs near the Chullora railway workshops where steel skeletons of electricity towers hulked overhead, dragging thick black power lines like musical staves across the sky.
    Justin nosed the car into deep shadows and parked it. Silently, he unclipped his seatbelt and she did the same. He leaned towards her and locked his arms around her body. He hugged her for a long moment and turned his nose to sniff at her stiff sprayed hair. He did not move.
    She couldn’t gauge his mood. She didn’t understand him.
    ‘Are you crying?’ she asked uncertainly.
    ‘No. Course not.’ Grimly, doggedly, he began to kiss her. Their mouths opened and tongues melded. He ran his hands over her back and across