Bertie and the Kinky Politician by Mike A Vickers Page A

when I think I was born in the wrong century.’ He leaned back and blew a thick blue cloud directly up into the detector overhead.
    â€˜Machiavelli? De’ Medici? Edmund Blackadder?’
    â€˜All unfairly persecuted because of their extraordinary skills in the art of diplomacy.’
    Bob Pritchard, his Number One, exhaled a fresh assault on the smoke detector. ‘Hogwash! What’s the colour of the sky in your world, Hugo?’
    Chaplain chuckled softly. ‘Look at the motto,’ he said, nodding at the desk. A small plaque carried the inscription, Sowing The Dragon’s Teeth , a reference to the ancient Greek mythological tale of Jason and his quest for the Golden Fleece with the Argonauts. Their enemies cast dragon’s teeth on the ground to create a troop of armed men who Jason cunningly hoodwinked into fighting each other instead of himself. Chaplain liked the multi-layered inferences, not only to the abbreviated title of his agency, but also to the aims and methods of JSON. ‘Is Greg in?’
    â€˜He’s still checking on that dodgy timber deal between the forestry people and the Japs. This one’s going to run and run.’
    â€˜I can imagine the outrage when our oriental cousins clear cut the New Forest and ship the whole lot back to Yokohama.’
    â€˜What happened up at the bunker?’
    â€˜We’ve got our new Secretary of State for Defence.’
    â€˜Squeaky Clean Timbrill?’
    â€˜The very same, and don’t sound so surprised. He was the only option for the PM.’
    â€˜You mean he was the man you wanted for the job.’
    â€˜I can’t deny friend James will make our lives tolerably pleasant in the short term. At least we can now cancel the removal men. Timbrill is the sort of chap who would never dream of wasting money on such an extravagance as a personal cinema.’
    â€˜Good. I like it here. We’re well buried.’
    â€˜Exactly so, and I’m not moving anywhere just so Questionable Quentin can put his feet up and catch a flick after lunch.’
    â€˜Will Timbrill be able to cope?’
    â€˜Doubt it, but our need to remain invisible takes precedent over the security of the country. I suspect the poor man will struggle to understand even the basics of his job, which will keep his mind nicely occupied. The PM intends him to be a temporary appointment at best and I’m sure his successor, when eventually found, will be prone to the kind of weaknesses that fill our files with such salacious reading, providing us with the usual leverage.’
    â€˜Dangerous.’
    â€˜What is?’
    â€˜Having a top line minister with no vices. Very difficult to control.’
    â€˜Possibly, but Timbrill will be far too busy struggling to comprehend the significance of first strike capabilities, CINCNAVHOME and collateral damage. The poor man is only an accountant, when all’s said and done, and not even a particularly accomplished one at that, judging by the parlous state of his personal fortune.’
    â€˜Is it a good idea having a total dunce in control?’
    â€˜Nothing new about that,’ snorted Chaplain, his beatific smile wreathed in cigarette smoke.
    â€˜I thought Denmark quite competent.’
    â€˜He was. Disappointingly righteous as well. We didn’t really have anything to use against him and I wasn’t at all happy about that, but I suspected he’d resign so we’ve killed many birds with just one accurately aimed stone. This new guy’s equally virginal, but at least he’s spectacularly lacking in experience so I confidently predict he’ll be far too busy to notice us. However, just for my own satisfaction, I want you and Greg to keep an eye on our Mr Timbrill. Do the usual digging.’
    â€˜How deep?’
    Chaplain leaned back in his chair again, unconsciously exposing his soiled tie. The stain fascinated Pritchard. It was a mystery to him how a man possessing