Caught Up In You by Kels Barnholdt Page B

oversized sweatshirt with
yoga pants too. But somehow, on her, it looks amazing. Angelina can pull off
anything. She has the kind of grace I could only dream of.
    She’s putting the last of her books in
her locker when she spots me. And right away I know she knows. Somehow she
knows I know the truth about what happened between her and Dustin. Her face is filled
with shame and sadness, and I can tell how bad she feels even though she’s not
saying a word.
    She shuts her locker gently and I
continue to walk toward her, slowing my pace down. I finally reach her and
neither of us have anything to say for what feels like forever. I don’t know
what she wants me to hear from me but I know I want her to speak first. I need
her to speak first. I need some type of explanation as selfish as that may
sound.
    She bites her lip nervously. “So, how bad
do you hate me?”
    Hate her? I could never hate her. She was
the only real friend I had ever known. I was more hurt than I was mad.
“Angelina, why did you lie to me? That’s not cool.”
    She reaches over and takes my hand gently
pulling me after her until we’re both sitting down on the floor, our backs
pressed up against the random lockers nearby. “I know, and I know it was stupid.
I’ve never lied to you, like ever. It’s one of the things I like the most about
our friendship.”
    “Me too! Or at least it’s one of the
things I did like about it.” I look down at the ground sadly and start moving
the tip of my toe back and forth across the floor in front of me.
    Angelina throws her hands up in
frustration. At first I think it’s at me but after looking at her face I
realize she’s only frustrated with herself. “After you left I just kind of fell
apart, you know? I mean , I know I had Dustin but no
one knows me like you. No one. You were that one person I literally told
everything to, and suddenly you were just gone. Imagine waking up one day and
just having your best friend be gone without so much as a word. It was like a
blink and boom you were gone. I guess I just kind of freaked out and I wasn’t
reasonable. Dustin was always trying to tell me you just needed time and I had
to get over it, he was always on me about it. I know he was just trying to help
but I couldn’t deal with it. I just wanted to be alone. So, I broke up with
him. I just did it. I didn’t even think much of it.”
    Her words sting and I almost don’t want
to look her in the eye while I process them but I know that’s what she deserves,
so I force myself to. I had known somewhere in my heart the past few days that
something like this was most likely coming, but it was still painful for me. It
was the first time I had actually heard how much my absence had affected my
best friend. It sucked hearing just how low she had been during my time in the wellness
center. The truth was I didn’t want to have to think about that. I didn’t want
to think about Angelina sad everyday wondering if she was going to hear from me
or not. Or worse that I had just left her without even thinking she deserved an
explanation. I knew it was out of my control and not my fault what had happened,
but it was still a really painful thing to think about. Knowing my best friend
was hurt makes me feel hurt, especially when she was hurt because of me. It
made my body ache and my anxiety start up.
    “But why did you have to lie to me about
it?”
    Angelina sighs and shakes her head. “I didn’t
want you to blame yourself. You already have so many other things going on, I
didn’t want to add to your stress or for you to think it was your fault.
Because it wasn’t, nothing that happened to you was your fault.”
    This was exactly why she was such a good
friend. Here we were sitting in the middle of the hall not on the best terms
and she was still trying to make me feel better. She was still trying to
protect me.
    “I understand why you did it.” I curl my
legs underneath me so I’m sitting Indian style and crank my neck