Confessions by Sasha Campbell Page B

Big Mama, but I wish you wouldn’t say things like that.”
    She gave me a narrow look. “I don’t know why not. Everybody has their time. Don’t you know your mother is talking about me moving in with her? Uhhh-uhhh…you know I always said, I didn’t wanna be a burden on any of my children.”
    â€œYou could never be a burden. I would love for you to come and live with me.” Even though I offered, I knew what she was talking about. It was nothing like having independence.
    â€œThat’s worth considering. Only I don’t wanna put anyone out.” She laughed. “Could you see me living with your mother? She would drive me crazy with all that smoking! No…what I want…is to stay in my own house…cook my own meals…sleep in my own bed.”
    I nodded. “I understand. Just know I love you and the offer stands. All the years you took care of me, there ain’t nothing I won’t do for you.”
    â€œI know, chickadee…but baby…Big Mama is tired. Getting up in the morning is becoming hard work.”
    I knew she wasn’t getting any younger. I’d seen how slow she had become the last year, but I still didn’t want to hear my grandmother talking about dying. I wasn’t ready for her to go. And probably never would be. “I just wanna make your life as comfortable as possible regardless where you live.”
    â€œWhat would Donovan say about me…moving in wit y’all?”
    â€œBig Mama, you know Donovan loves you as much as I do.” I dropped my eyes, but I couldn’t lie to her. “I don’t know if you could tell, but he and I’ve been having some problems.”
    She took a deep breath. “I could tell something wasn’t right…. I figured you’d talk about it…when you were ready.”
    I moved closer. “I thought maybe when he got back we would work on our relationship, but I guess not.”
    She gave me a stern look. “That’s because you young folks don’t know how to talk to each other. Marriage isn’t sacred like it was while I was growing up. When I married your grandfather…I knew it would be forever. He was my first…my only. I didn’t wanna spend my life with anyone but him. When he died…I lost a piece of myself.” A single tear rolled from the corner of her eye onto the pillow. “Yes, Thaddeus was such a good man.”
    â€œI miss Grandpa.”
    She patted my hand. “And you were his favorite. All he wanted was for you to be happy…have a family of your own.” Her expression grew serious. “Have you been by to visit your daughter?”
    I quickly shook my head and rose. Standing in front of the window, I looked down into the crowded parking lot below. “No. Not since her birthday.”
    â€œWell…next time you see her…send her my love.”
    When I turned around, tears were running down my face. “I’ll do just that.”

10
Nikki
    â€œYou wanna dance?”
    I turned around, and it took everything I had not to scream. Dude was sporting an Afro and wearing a shiny purple polyester shirt he left half buttoned, revealing his nappy chest hairs. I wished I had a comb in my purse.
    â€œNope. I’m still sipping my drink.” I brought the glass to my mouth just to keep from laughing. One of his front teeth was gold…the other was missing.
    â€œNo problem. How about saving me a slow dance?”
    I shrugged. “We’ll see.” The last thing I wanted to do was to promise him a dance, then I would never get rid of his homely ass.
    He walked away looking pleased by my answer just as I spotted Trinette weaving through the crowd with two martinis in her hands. Trinette moved up to the table looking fierce in a cream pantsuit with a plunging neckline, showcasing her twins.
    â€œWhat you doing with Lamont Sanford?”
    I sputtered on my drink, laughing.