Confessions of a Hostie 3 by Danielle Hugh Page A

proved me right:
    We had a young woman and man who met for the
first time onboard. I could talk-up the story with notions of love
and romance, but the reality was the potential lovebirds were drunk
and looking to join the mile high club just for the hell of it.
They'd taken their get-to-know-you routine to the exit row at the back of the plane. That is all well
and good, however there were passengers trying to get to sleep,
with the young couple extremely boisterous. My Gypsy-Jewish-fun
guy-colleague already had an informal chat with the couple, asking
to keep the noise down, but it obviously it fell on deaf ears. The
young girl was getting drunker and leaning all over the door bussle
and the crew seat at the exit row. Around this area are pieces of
emergency equipment, including a crew phone.
    'Watch this' my colleague said as he poked
his head from the galley. He could see the girl leaning next to the
phone. With that he picked up the galley phone, ringing the phone
at the exit row.
    Bing
Bong .
    The young girl nearly wet her pants.
    My colleague raced down the back, telling her
that where she was leaning has all sorts of emergency equipment and
she must have 'bumped the phone or something'.
    'I think you should go back to your
respective seats for a while' was his advice.
    They left, not to return.
     
    There are many funny characters who fly. I
will admit that we were able to get away with far more shenanigans
in the past than the present, yet the characters still exist. I did
a trip not long ago with a guy who had flown for almost 25 years,
yet told everyone he used to work in a helium gas factory.
    He said 'The job was alright, but I hated
being talked to in that tone of voice!'
    I laughed.
    Another older crew member was bending down to
pick up a passenger's fallen headset from the floor when he
lamented how stiff his back was. He told me (and the passenger) he
was thinking of doing yoga. The yoga teacher asked if he was very
flexible.
    'I'm free most Thursdays' was his reply.
    Most crew have a great sense of humor.
     
    Years ago I flew with a really senior guy who
only did trips to tropical island locations like Hawaii, Tahiti,
Seychelles, Fiji, etc. He only packed the smallest of bags, no
matter how long the trip - and he always took ONE rubber flip-flop
(also called a thong or a jandal). His rationale in taking just the
one flip-flop was he would always find another one washed up on the
beach somewhere. Rumor has it he did indeed find a flip-flop on
every beach he visited. .
    Every time I see a single flip-flop on a
beach (and I do regularly), I think of him and chuckle.

 
a positive
attitude
    I meet the crew for the flight to Jakarta,
knowing some, but not all. The ones I know are lovely. I quickly
establish that one of the girls I didn't know is one of those
personalities who shouldn't really be in the job. Her name is
Wendy. She is a few years younger than me, having flown about 16
years. I identify her temperament within a heartbeat. I am
sometimes wrong with judging characters, but only sometimes.
    Wendy is to work down the back of the plane
with me. In the earliest stages of meeting Wendy I struggle to see
good in her. She lacks warmth, manners, and decorum. Not only do
her facial expressions make me want to run for cover, every word
from her mouth is either negative, derogatory, or downright
mean:
    Are we there yet?
    I bet these passengers are going to be a
pain.
    I've flown with the captain before; he's a
real piece of work.
    I'm over this already.
    Seriously, are we there yet?
     
    These are sentences muttered before the
passengers have even boarded the aircraft.
    Minutes into the flight she launches a tirade
of insults on the airline, the service, the passengers, and the
destination. I don't like listening to overly negative people; few
do.
    An old saying goes: Misery loves company, but
company doesn't love misery.
    I understand that everyone needs to vent at
some stage, but Wendy is relentless - and most