Continuum by Susan Wu Page B

spirit my attire gets.
    When I enter the lunchroom, my eyes hone in on Ethan sitting at a table in the center of the crowded room with Mackenzie at his side.  The table looks oddly empty as they are without Mackenzie’s usual entourage.  Their are heads bent down close, I can only see the top of her shiny blonde waves and his unruly chestnut locks.  As they whisper to each other, her lips brush against his ear.  
    My heart is thundering in my chest, surely the whole cafeteria can hear me.  Ethan points to something in the book sitting between them on the table.  Mackenzie nods and smiles at him, her lips a glossy bubblegum pink.  His lips curl into a shy smile in response.  Her hand is stroking his forearm possessively as talks.  She is lavishing her attention on him and he is drinking it up.  My insides twist and I desperately want to look away but can’t bring myself to leave.
    I spot Emma, Chloe, and Sophia huddled by their lockers, probably observing their interaction so it could later be analyzed.  Chloe has Emma’s arm in a vice grip as she squeals frantically at the sight of Ethan’s face inches from Mackenzie.  The surge of adrenaline recedes, leaving me with a feeling like my head has disconnected from my body and I sway on my feet.  I feel ill, I should go home.
    For the moment I am rooted to the floor, my legs not heeding my command to take me out of here.  I am an unwilling spectator of this mating show.  Ethan looks up from the book suddenly and our eyes meet.  His eyes burn with some unanswered question.  Unsure of what to do with myself, I make a 180 and head down hallway leading to the library.  
    Moments later, I find myself gasping for air in the Biology aisle.  I grab onto a shelf for support, my legs still feeling wobbly.  A lump is rising in my throat and I swallow compulsively, trying to calm my breathing.  An unfamiliar sense of panic gripping my chest, the urge to leave and go home is strong.  My escape is thwarted by the sound of someone quietly clearing his throat.  
    I manage to stifle back my scream but I jerk around so quickly, I knock a textbook off the shelf.  It falls open on the carpet with a quiet thud.  Standing behind me wearing an uncomfortable smile on his face is Sam.  Straightening the hem of my sweater, I make a quick swipe under my eyes trying to regain some semblance of composure.  I open my mouth twice before my brain can get my voice to work, “Good morning, Sam.”
    “Morning, Fallon,” he replies, an eyebrow arched.  He shuffles from foot to foot, clearly uncomfortable.  For someone who has sisters, Sam did not deal with crying well.  “How are you this morning?”
    Evasively, I answer his question with a question, “What are you doing here?”
    “Don’t sound so surprised, I’ve been known to pull all nighters.  Well not really the type where you study all night.”  His lips part in an ear splitting grin, his amber eyes flashing with mischief.
    Sam has the gift of making any situation feel less awkward.  
    I lift my lips automatically in response, “Oh, you have a big test today?”
    “Nah, I’m just messing with you.  I’m in mandatory tutoring.  Retaking Biology,”  He takes a book off the shelf and pretends to study the back cover.  “Uhm, I saw you run in here and I thought I heard you...  Is everything okay?”
    Conversations involving feelings had always left both of us feeling awkward.  I swallow back the emotion threatening to bubble over again, “Yeah, I’m fine.”  I bend down and pick up the book I knocked over, not wanting to meet his eyes.  “Just needed a book.”
    Sam hesitates and examines my face as I stand back up, he looks away as he continues, “I thought I heard you crying...”   Heat floods my face, I can’t believe I am having this conversation with him.  I don’t know who feels more uncomfortable at this moment.
    Beyond mortified, the urge to disappear returns.  “No.  I, uh, was just