Crank - 01 by Ellen Hopkins Page B

charge.
That someone was Bree.
I chose her name (not sure where
I got it), chose when to become her.
What I didn’t expect was discovering
she had always been there, inside of me.
How could Kristina and Bree
live inside of one person?
How could two such different halves
make up the whole of me?
How could Bree have possibly survived,
stuck in Kristina’s daily existence?

The Funny Thing Was
    Bree solved the meth dilemma on a family
    trip to Wild Waters, Scott’s annual
    company picnic. Sarah came
    along to spend time with
    Kristina. But Bree
    had other things
    in mind.
     
    The first was
    a truly gorgeous
    lifeguard. Turned out
    Brendan wasn’t so pretty
    on the inside, but even Bree, who
    thrived on intuition, was clueless. Hard
    on the make, Brendan shared booze, cigarettes.
     
    But one guy wasn’t quite enough. I
    also ran into Chase Wagner that
    day. His outside wasn’t as
    attractive, but inside he
    was fine. Of course,
    I didn’t know
    that yet.
     
    I found out
    soon enough that
    both Chase and Brendan
    knew the score—and both
    were interested in me. Brendan
    only wanted sex; Chase offered love.
    Either way, I had my path to the monster.
     

    Later, I discovered that Robyn, my
    old friend Trent’s sister (not to
    mention an “in” cheerleader),
    tweaked to stay thin
    and “pep up.” She
    taught me how
    to smoke it.
     
    It didn’t take
    long to immerse
    myself in the lifestyle.
    Didn’t take long for school
    to go to shit; for friendships and
    dedication to family to falter. Didn’t
    take long to become a slave to the monster.

My Mom and Stepfather
Tried to stop me before
it all went completely wrong.
Kristina spent almost a whole
year GUFN—grounded
until further notice.
But Bree was really good
at prying open windows
at night, lying with a straight
face, denying she had
slipped so far downhill.
Nothing slowed me down.
Not losing my virginity
to Brendan’s rape. Not
spending a few days
in juvenile hall.
The only thing that kept
me sane was Chase’s love,
despite all I put him through.
He even swore to love me
when I told him I was pregnant.

Pregnant. And Brendan
was the father. Bree considered
abortion. Exorcism. Kristina
understood the baby was not
the demon. His father was.
But you know this part
of the story. You followed
me on my journey through
the monster’s territory.
We wound up here.
Who am I now, three
months after I left you,
standing on the deck
with me, listening to my
new baby, crying inside?
I told you then, the monster
is a way of life, one it’s
difficult to leave behind,
no matter how hard you try.
I have tried, really I have.

Maybe if Chase had stayed
with me, instead of running
off to California, in search
of his dreams. Then again,
I told him to go.
Maybe if I had dreams
of my own to run off in
search of. I did once.
But now I have no plans
for a perfect tomorrow.
All I have is today.

T for Today
    I’d really like to tell you I have a nice little place with
    a white picket fence, flowers in the garden, and Winnie-
    the-Pooh, Eeyore, and Tigger, too, on baby blue nursery
    walls. I’d like to inform you that I am on a fast track to
    a college degree and a career in computer animation—
    something I’ve aimed for, ever since I found out I could
    draw. I’d love to let
    you know I left the
    monster screaming
    in my dust, shut my
    ears, scrambled back
    to my family, back to
    my baby, my heart. I
    could tell you those
    things, but they’d be
    lies—nothing new for
    me, true. But if all I
    wrote was lies, you
    wouldn’t really know
    my story. I want you
    to know. Not a day
    passes when I don’t
    think about getting
    high. Strung. Getting
    out of this deep well
    of monotony I’m
    slowly drowning in.

Be sure to read
    Ellen Hopkins’s
    PERFECT

 
    Perfect is the story of four high school seniors, all of whom have friends, siblings, and a drive to attain “perfection.” They each have very different goals, and very different ways of achieving them. Meet Cara, whose