When I write a sketch, I always end it with a big laugh, or a big surprise and the
lights must then immediately come down. If thereâs even a three second lag, it can ruin
the whole scene.
[ 4 ] In sketch comedy, when you do well, you âkillâ when you do poorly, you âdie.â We
comics are obsessed with death, I guess.
Appendix A. Acknowledgments
When he sits down and commits some thoughts to paper, an author makes the bold assumption
that a reader will spend her time (which could be spent a thousand other ways) taking the
journey heâs laid out.
The road from assumption to realization is long and complicated, and I could not have
successfully navigated it without these people:
Dan Perkins said to me, âYou know, you should write a book. . .â
Andrew Hackard edited that book, Just A Geek , from which these
stories were excised. Without Andrewâs guidance and encouragement, I wouldnât have gotten past
the title page.
Bobby The Mat edited the Saga of SpongeBob Vegas Pants, and helped me find the beginning
that I so desperately needed.
My family (the one I grew up with and the one I made myself) participated in the real-life
events that inspired these stories, reminded me of stuff Iâd forgotten, and didnât get upset
at the stuff I left out.
Thumper introduced me to DeHartâs printing, where Wendy patiently answered all my stupid
questions.
Travis Oates taught me how to write sketch comedy, helped me overcome my fears of not
being funny, and has been a treasured, faithful, reliable friend. He also wrote the awesome
one-line descriptions of all the stories thatâs on the back cover. And he told me to include
an introduction.
Stephen King wrote stories I liked to read when I was a kid. One of those stories became Stand By Me , in which I played a writer â more than just a coincidence,
it turns out. Before I started writing this, I read his book On Writing ,
and the information he shared in those 288 pages made all the difference.
Oingo Boingo, Underworld, Cake, Radiohead, The Ataris, and Scratch Radio all provided
music to silence the rest of the world while I worked. U2âs cover of the wonderful Patty Smyth
song âDancing Barefootâ provided me with a title.
My wife, Anne, patiently supports everything I want to do, whether itâs writing a book or
playing in the World Series of Poker.
Aunt Val loved me my entire life, and probably still does. I wish you could read this. I
know youâd be proud.
Appendix B. About the Illustrator
Ben Claassen III is originally from New Orleans, but currently lives in Washington, DC. He
has been drawing big foreheaded people without noses for a very long time. He stays up every
night âtil the wee hours of the morning with ink all over his fingers, dreaming of life in a
castle on the beach with a swimming pool moat around it and an underwater pirate bar that
would have a talking parrot for a bartender. The parrot would wear a small blue tuxedo and
would be able to speak French, German, and a little bit of Japanese.
Ben likes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, people who send him drawings of monsters,
and dancing lemurs with tiny red cowboy boots. He can be contacted through his website, bendependent.com , or through killoggs.com .
Appendix C. About the Author
Wil Wheaton started acting at age 7. As a teenager, he starred in the Academy Award
nominated classic, Stand By Me , and the television series Star
Trek: The Next Generation . After leaving Next Generation in
its 4th season, he went on to star in several award-winning independent films before taking an
extended hiatus from acting to write fulltime.
His website, wilwheaton.net, won weblog of the year in the 2002
bloggies, was named Best Celebrity Weblog by Forbes.com in 2003, and is
read by a global audience of over one hundred thousand people a week.
He