Destroy You (Destroy #3) by K. D. Carrillo Page B

the couch and clutched a pillow against my chest. “I just want to know, for sure, before we take that step.”
    “Toni, there are some things you can’t know for sure. Look at Cameron and me. There are moments where I can see it in his eyes, where I know beyond a doubt what he feels for me, but he still chooses to run. You’ve got to take today at face value.”
    “Okay, I hear you, but does that mean tomorrow you have to take Cameron back if he comes around and decides to jerk you around some more?” I asked, pissed off on his behalf.
    Jeremy shook his head. “I don’t have to do anything. I’m not sure what I would do, but if I give him another chance, that will probably be his last one. I love the idiot, but I’ve got to start protecting myself. He isn’t ready, and I can’t make him ready.”
    “What was it this last time?” I asked. I’d lost track of their ups and downs after what happened with Pratt, the stalker cop who came after Reed and Kate. The reemergence and subsequent murder of Kate’s ex-husband did a number on Cameron as well. Frankly, we were all recovering from some kind of damage from that episode.
    “It was something stupid. We were having lunch on campus. Shit, we weren’t touching or anything. I’m not into PDA, you know? Anyway, we were just talking and he saw someone he knew. He froze. It was just a few seconds, but I knew. We finished eating, and he plastered on a fake smile, tossed his arm around the shoulders of the first girl he recognized, and sauntered off whispering in her ear.”
    Jeremy slid down on the floor next to the couch and dropped his head into his hands. “It’s not like I go around telling strangers I’m gay. I don’t try to hide it anymore, but I don’t feel the need to tell everyone. I mean, Aiden and Reed don’t go around telling everyone they’re straight. It’s nobody’s business, and if anyone has a problem with it, they can go fuck themselves.”
    I leaned over his shoulder and nestled my face into his neck. He was the most amazing man I knew. “You deserve better.”
    He ruffled my hair. “I love you too. But I’m not going to let you change the subject. Why are you here with me after Trent practically told you he’s in love with you?”
    I opened my mouth to answer, but what was I going to say? The truth was, I had a hard time trusting people. I held myself back and hid my true feelings. Even my best friends only saw what I wanted them to see. I don’t know why I did it. It wasn’t like I had a horrible childhood like Becca or suffered through a traumatic event like Kate had with the death of her parents and an abusive marriage.
    There was nothing I could put my finger on. I have nightmares sometimes where I’m hungry, dirty, and alone. I don’t understand them. My parents might be a bit cold and distant, but I’ve always had all of my needs met.
    Jeremy stared at me, waiting for an answer.
    “I don’t know, Jer. It’s like there is something blocking me from moving forward. Something that makes me feel like I don’t deserve what is right in front of me. I feel like happiness will always be just beyond my reach.”
    “That’s all bullshit. I don’t know why you do this to yourself. When are you going to open up and tell someone what haunts you? I don’t think you’ve really dealt with your attack.”
    I blinked several times. His words pulled something from deep in my brain. Attack. Haunted. I shivered, and images flashed through my mind of an old nightmare I’d never been able to shake off. Jeremy was right about one thing: ever since Kate’s ex attacked me, my childhood nightmares had returned. Not that they’d ever truly left, but I’d managed to suppress them for most of my teenage years.
     
    Not anymore. Now the images were back as strong as they’d been when I was a small child. I could see myself wearing pink, fuzzy, footsie jammies. My hair was in piggy tails, but sleep had pulled at them until they were crooked. I