Diary of a Mad Bride by Laura Wolf Page A

a WIFE, will affect your dedication to the job. They assume you’ll devote your energies to your husband’s career and turn your own into dilettantism. And of course, they assume you’ll be quitting any day to have six kids.”
    I suddenly flashed to Barry, Carol Brady, and the arrangement of lilies. The flowers of death and funerals! What a fool I’d been! And when I returned to the office, there he was—Mr. Bridal Booster himself—eyeing my corner office.
    Rank with the stench of coup d’état.

october 25th
    K ate’s had no luck with her search. She’s called all the major metropolitan areas in the tristate region in search of a reception venue in our price range that can accommodate anywhere from 85 to 220 people (we’ve yet to settle this issue with our parents). Apparently she’s come up empty-handed. Or at least she says she has. I doubt she truly applied herself to the task. I can’t help but think that if I’d asked her to find the address of Ricky Martin’s summer home or Brad Pitt’s shoe size she would have had better luck.
    But I can’t complain too much. I’ve got to keep a low profile on my wedding. Julie’s cautionary tale really spooked me and I don’t want to provide anyone, especially Barry, with ammunition to take my job.
    So I spent the rest of the day reworking an article on the efforts of hot-dog vendors to unionize.

october 27th
    B ianca Sheppard called me last night. I’ve known Bianca since the third day of college, when she hip-checked me across the room while charging toward our handsome dorm adviser. To this day she swears she tripped. Since then she’s been Bianca Sheppard, Douglas, Izzard, Santos, and Rabinowitz. Marriage seems to agree with her. Repeatedly. Hence her nickname “Repeat Offender,” or “RP” for short. She marries, it lasts about two years, then she decides it’s not what she wants and splits. A month later she’s getting married again.
    At a certain point, going to her weddings stopped feeling like romantic unions and started feeling like biannual wine tastings. Needless to say, she was the last person I’d think of for wedding advice.
    But a natural resource for wedding dresses. She knew exactly where to go. After all, she’s already had four.

october 28th—12:30 A.M.
    I ’ve become an insomniac.
    Which is crazy, because I’ve never had trouble sleeping. Back in college I had to chew espresso beans in order to stay awake. But now the minute my eyes shut my mind races—venues, menus, bridesmaid, bands. Bands! I’ve got to ask Stephen if he’s started to look for a band.
    Breathe. I must remember to breathe.
    But not Stephen. Somehow he’s managing to breathe
and
sleep. Ever since the engagement we’ve been trying to spend each night together. Usually at my house since I need more stuff in the morning. It’s a strange sensation to see him lying next to me—his adorable little snores, the cute way he drapes his arm over my chest—and to realize that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with this man. Every night for the rest of my life I’ll roll over and see him.
    How the hell did I get so lucky?

november 1st
    L ast night we went to Larry and Mitch’s Halloween party. Larry went as a groom and Mitch went as a bride. They did it to needle Stephen, who thought it was hysterical. I thought it was totally obnoxious.
    STEPHEN
    Come on. He’s even wearing a garter belt. You’ve got to admit it’s pretty funny.
    There was nothing funny about the fact that Mitch had a wedding dress before I did. Besides, most brides wax their backs before the big day.
    ME
    It’d be a whole lot funnier if Larry didn’t have the word “sucker” written across his forehead in lipstick.
    STEPHEN
    I admit that borders offensive, but you have to understand it’s their way of showing support. They dressed up
for
us.
    I could tell Stephen was trying to endear his Neanderthal pals to me. But it wasn’t working. They weren’t carnie freaks passing through