Dirty Little Secret by Ella Sheridan Page B

was pure defense against their shock. Embarrassment made him ignore the apology Sam called after his retreating figure.
    He was banging his forehead into the cabinet next to the sink when Sara Beth followed him into the kitchen. Feeling like a teenage boy on a hormone roller coaster instead of a man in his thirties—and in control of his runaway moods—Alex shook his head against the cabinet door. “I’m sorry. I’ll tell her I’m sorry too. Just…give me a minute.”
    Sara Beth came up behind him, her warm hands massaging the tense muscles of his back through the thin shield of his dress shirt. The touch calmed him more than anything else, even the beer he’d downed way too fast on a mostly empty stomach. That stomach tensed when Sara Beth murmured against his back, “She didn’t mean it, you know.” The press of her lips against his shoulder blade made him feel like a total jerk.
    “I know.” Just one more thing to be disappointed in himself over.
    “Alex…” Sara Beth tugged him around, forcing him to face her. When he tilted his head up so he didn’t have to look her in the eye, she grabbed his ears and pulled until they were nose to nose. “Talk to me.”
    Alex stared into her eyes, feeling lost. How did he explain what even he didn’t understand? It had been a month since he’d met Cailin. That certainly wasn’t long enough to be in love with her, but she was all he thought about. He watched her at work, saw her patience, her compassion, her ability to put up boundaries to protect him without offending everyone who wanted a piece of his time. She’d wormed her way into his heart—he couldn’t explain it any other way. His head said he had no clue what he was feeling, but his gut…it told him something altogether different.
    How did he choose between the woman he loved and the woman he wanted?
    Sara Beth nodded sagely as if she could read his thoughts on his face. “It’s Cailin, isn’t it?”
    He just closed his eyes.
    She wasn’t going to let him get out of this so easily. “Alex, what are you waiting for? It’s obvious you want her; you’ve already had her. This is making you miserable,” she said, obviously exasperated. “Is it me? Because you know I’m good with it. I have sex whenever I want it. I don’t expect you to go without.”
    And that was the crux of the matter: he could have sex if that was all he wanted. Without the least amount of conceit, he knew any number of women would jump at the chance to be in his bed. But Cailin wasn’t a just-sex kind of woman. “It’s not that simple, and you know it. Cailin would never accept the kind of arrangement I could offer her.” Though he wanted to. He really did. This need for her made him weak where he’d been strong for far too many years.
    “She would if you explained the situation.”
    “And if someone else found out? If John found out? Right now he can’t stop your work; I put you in place, and without a damn good reason, he can’t fire you. We have time to build your rep with the board. I won’t risk giving him an excuse to use against you.”
    “Alex—”
    Reaching the end of his patience, he gripped her arms carefully and gave her a little shake. “No.” He smoothed the spot he’d grabbed, feeling like a bastard as frustrated tears gathered in her eyes. “No, Sara Beth. I will not risk your future. I won’t back down now, not when things are finally going right.” No matter how crazy it was making him.
    His resolve seemed to sink in, and instead of continuing the argument, Sara Beth blinked away her tears, reached up, and rubbed her thumbs softly below his eyes, right where he knew dark circles rested. “You’re not sleeping enough.”
    “Every time I close my eyes, I see her.” The words slipped past his guard and out of his mouth before he had a chance in hell of catching them.
    “God.” Sara Beth breathed the word into the space between them. “Alex—”
    He shook his head, jostling her hands.