Divergent Parody: Avirgent by Maurice Hill, Michelle Hunt

Muslims are terrorists doesn't mean that.”
    I narrowed my eye-brows and yelled loud just to let her know I was being serious.
    “I DON'T APPRECIATE YOU CALLING ME RACIST!”
    She looked at me dully again and blew my tattoo, which felt searing hot like flames all across my arm...or some infectious STD.
     “You may not appreciate it, but you will accept it. So, since you're still alive, I hope that means no one's found out that you're Avirgent.”
    “Nope.”
    “Good.”
     She got out of her seat and handed me some lotion in a bottle that said, “YK Jelly, Lube for your tats!”
    “Here, use this for the pain. That burning sensation you feel, like someone just branded you with a burning fork...it'll go away within a couple of days as long as you use this cream.”
    I took it and said, “Thanks, but why are you so nice to me if you hate me? Why not report me?”
    She lit up a cigarette, and let out a puff of smoke. She smirked. “Keep that douche away from me. You seem like his type. Skinny, frail, look like a skeleton. He won't admit it, but he loves your type. Just ask my friend Joey Two-Tone.”
    “Oh my God, you too?!”
    “What?”
    “This Joey Two-Tone guy! Who the Hell is he?!”
    “Gangster. Famous around these parts. Few know him, most fear him. Never heard of him?”
    “No. That guy Al keeps going on about him like Jesus Christ!”
     
     “Well he might as well be. When he walks the streets, he makes the ground tremble, when he sees a woman he doesn't ask her for her number, he asks if he can screw her right then. When he wants you dead, he wanted you dead the day before,and you'll be dead the day he orders it. Shit like that.”
    She let out a cloud of smoke.
     “Some say he's next in line to take Jeanine's seat. If he can get an Avirgent teamed up with him, they can take it all.”
    Juniper sauntered over to my seat and put her mouth to my ear. Her lips were coral red, and her teeth very white. Even I was feeling her sensuous aura.
     “I'm sure you know most people hate Jeanine. Joey Two-Tone's a cool guy. I could get you a meet with-”
    “No! I don't care.”
    “But what if you lose?” She stood up, frowning. “You'll have to join the pathetic working class...people like us! Oh God, you don't want that! You'll chip a nail, get your fingers dirty, your hair matted with ash from the factories. Oh! You won't have your fancy mirror to look in any-”
    “I get it! I get it. Okay, I'll consider it.”
    She put her cigarette out on a little mermaid ash-tray, smashing it. “No do. Decide now. I don't have much time.”
    “You told him already?”
     “Of course. What? You thought I was going to keep it a secret to everyone? No, no, no baby. I have friends who find an Avirgent resourceful, not detrimental. Joey Two-Tone is one of them. So come on, I'm not letting you go without an answer.”
     She stood near the curtain, hands at her hips and looked down at me with sass.
    “And yes, I do have the authority to keep you here. I could say your tats infected with aids. Shit like that.”
    I wasn't sure if she did have the authority, but me being stupid, I didn't ask or challenge her. I complained. “Okay, I'll see Joey Two-Tone...but I'm not screwing him.”
     She chuckled. “He's not interested in that with you anyway, only your Avirgent condition.”
    She unstrapped me from the seat and my hands were free, and so was my lovely tattoo. I think and hope to God that TB4 loves it too.
    Juniper said, “Besides, you're not Joey's type. He's more into curvy women.”
    “Fat women?”
    “No. Women like me.”
    “Yeah, so fat women,” I said with the innocence of  little girl.
    Juniper snarled and balled her fists. She sighed with a light chuckle. “Whatever kid. Just...get out of here. I'll send a connect to you soon. They should be at the facility by tomorrow. Joey has his ways.”
    “What's he like?” I said, curious.
    She shrugged. “Cool, laid back. Loves to joke, screw, drink, play