Djinn Rummy by Tom Holt Page B

she said. ‘Sort of. Just when this other genie - Pennsylvania something?’
    â€˜Philadelphia Machine and Tool. Actually there is a genie called Pennsylvania Farmers’ Bank III - Penny Three - but he’s no bother to anyone.’
    â€˜This Philadelphia person,’ Jane continued coldly, ‘is going to wipe out the human race, you suddenly pop up and stop him doing it. That’s why all this is happening. And I’m . . .’
    She stopped. She felt cold. In her anxiety, she broke the heel off her shoe.
    â€˜Look.’ Kiss frowned, summoning up soft, heavenly music in the far distance. ‘Nice try, but it doesn’t quite work like that. Things aren’t all neatly ordained and settled the way you seem to think - unless, of course, you posit the existence of a . . .’

    â€˜But it makes sense,’ Jane protested. ‘Someone wants the world destroyed. I want it saved.’
    Kiss clapped his hands. ‘Ah,’ he said, ‘now we seem to be getting somewhere. That sounded remarkably like a Wish to me.’
    â€˜Did it?’
    Kiss nodded. ‘I reckon so. You Wish the world to be saved. I take it,’ he added, ‘that you do?’
    â€˜I suppose so.’
    â€˜Give me strength!’ Kiss took a deep breath. ‘Either you do or you don’t, it’s not exactly a grey area. Toss a coin if you think it’ll help you decide.’
    Jane shook her head. ‘Of course I want the world saved,’ she said. ‘Or at least, I suppose I do. The last thing I can remember before all this was wishing it would all go away.’
    â€˜That’s just typical sloppy mortal thinking,’ Kiss replied crossly. ‘This is what comes of giving your lot free will without making you send in the ten coupons from the special offer box lids first. You mortals,’ Kiss went on, with a slight nuance of self-righteousness in his voice, ‘think that just because you come to an end, the world comes to an end too. Well, I’m an immortal and I’m here to tell you it doesn’t. If you ask me, they should print Please Leave The World As You Would Wish To Find It in big letters on the inside of wombs and coffins, and then there’d be no excuse for all this messing about. I’m sorry,’ he said, calming down, ‘but there are some things I feel strongly about. Well, stronglyish, anyway.’
    â€˜Sorry,’ Jane said meekly. ‘I’m not really used to all this yet.’
    â€˜That’s all right,’ the genie replied, turning the music up a very little. ‘Look, take it from me, you want the world saved.’

    â€˜Right.’
    â€˜Save the world,’ Kiss continued, ‘and you get merit in Heaven.’
    â€˜If we posit its existence, of course.’
    Kiss sighed. ‘Everyone’s a comedian,’ he grumbled. ‘Look -’
    â€˜Save ten worlds and you get a free alarm clock radio -’
    â€˜That,’ snapped the genie, ‘will do. It’s quite simple, as far as I’m concerned. The human race is the measure of everything that’s prosaic and mundane. If there weren’t any humans, there’d be no point being a genie, because there wouldn’t be anyone to be bigger and stronger and cleverer than. So, as a favour to me, I suggest you Wish the human race saved. OK?’
    Jane squinted into the middle distance, trying to see what the world would look like if she wasn’t there. She couldn’t.
    â€˜Put like that,’ she said, ‘how can I refuse? But hang on,’ she added. ‘I thought you said all the nasty plant seeds had got burned up. Doesn’t that mean . . .?’
    Kiss grinned unpleasantly. ‘It means,’ he said, ‘that my old mate Philly Nine has failed. If he’d succeeded, the human race would have been annihilated. Since he’s failed, with all the loss of face that entails . . .’ The genie laughed