Duty to Love by Morgan King Page B

fingers first one way than another.
    Arthur and James. She should have guessed as much as soon as she heard more than one set
of horses. They both dismounted as soon as they were within hearing distance,
walking their horses to a nearby tree and securing the reins around the trunk.
    “How
did you know where to find me?”
    “Because
we know you,” Arthur said calmly as he settled to sit down on the grass a short
distance away. He faced out to the river, giving Amelia enough distance that
she didn't feel crowded.
    James
remained standing by the horses.
    No
one spoke again for a few moments. The silence wasn't tense. They were all
three used to each other’s company enough that they'd grown out of any need for
small talk. It was weighted, though. They all three knew conversation had to
happen; the situation must be discussed.
    It
was Arthur who eventually broke the silence. “Do you regret last night?”
    How
to answer that? Amelia desperately didn't want to say the wrong thing. She had
been intensely uncomfortable when she first woke up, physically and
emotionally. Having had time to reflect she now realized that her discomfort was
as much about the suddenness of the changes to her life and the pressures of
growing up, having to face the reality of her situation rather than any
potential unhappiness with her new life. She just needed a bit more time to
adjust to not living a fairytale she’d dreamed for herself.
    In
her fairytale Francine would still be alive, married to someone Amelia had no
desire for, and Amelia herself would be courted by a man, one man, who had
fallen in love with her instantly with no concern for her father's money, with
no expectation of her fulfilling a role within society, with no obligations to
take him away from her.
    How
naïve she had been. Freedom, born from a degree of neglect, had made her
selfish.    With the knowledge that it was
time to move forward, Amelia felt as if she might actually be ready to be a
lady. The lady Arthur and James deserved.
    They'd
trusted her. They'd given of themselves, putting aside concerns to let her see
their true desires. She needed to take a leap of faith as well. She'd already
done it physically; now she needed to let go of her heart as well.
    “I
don't regret anything that happened last night.” She didn't want either Arthur
or James to worry. “It has been a shock though.”
    “It's
not too late.” James spoke quietly, as if afraid of the words he uttered.
    “Too late for what?”
    “Too late for me to leave.”
    “When
would it be too late for you to leave? If last night didn't meet your
expectations, if you no longer want to share, don't make it out to be my
decision. I won't absolve you of last night if it's you that has regrets.”
Amelia was angry. She should have known he wouldn't stay.
    This
time the thought of James leaving caused her heart to ache. She felt it
pressing against her chest, trying to push the pain out. He was hers now. She'd
previously held part of herself back. She hadn't wanted to love James as more
than a friend. It was too dangerous, but now it was too late.
    “It
will never be too late for me to leave if that is what you want,” James said fiercely
“I love you. More than I knew. Your happiness ... nothing else matters.” Amelia
whipped her head round to stare at James, but he continued without pause, “If I
stay, though, and we continue together, I don't think I'll be able to leave and
ever come back, back to England even if you change your mind. If there is even
a chance of my child in your belly it would be too late for me to leave and
live sane.”
    Amelia
didn't know how to respond. James's declaration was everything she had dreamed
of hearing from a husband, but he wasn't her husband. She couldn't just go and
fling herself into James's arms. Any declaration of her love had to be
complete.  
    When
she had accepted Arthur's proposal, it was done knowing that she cared for him
and fully intended to love him.