Entangled by Annie Brewer Page B

me and I hate the thought of letting people down again. Letting people in, means letting them down because I am just not good with expressing myself the right way. Spencer is the only one who’s seen me at my worst, my best and everything in between. “Well, he’s definitely a hand full. But he’s never judged me, never turned his back on me even when he should’ve. He’s always stood by me when other’s would’ve walked away. So,” I look at her, trying to shove my emotions down below the surface. “I’d say, he’s better than me. Someone I should strive to be like.” I notice her blink her eyes and sigh, sympathy flashes across her face. I don’t want her sympathy; I just want her to know my side, parts of it anyway. “Derrick doesn’t know what I’ve gone through. He just thinks I’m some punk kid that causes trouble and while he may be right in part, he doesn’t know all of it.” I realize my tone is harsh.
    “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know you either so I shouldn’t judge you based on what others say or think. That’s not fair.” We sit in front of my aunt’s house but I don’t move to get out of the car and neither does she.
    “I’m sorry for my tone, that wasn’t nice.” I look straight ahead at the grass, or the ground or the swing, anywhere but at her. Part of me wants to tell her things, open up. Something I haven’t done or wanted to do in a long time. But I’m miles from ready for that shit. So I keep the barrier up. I never let anyone in female wise, I can’t start now. Though a friendship with her might be hard.
    “So I guess you’ll have to buy some furniture for your new place huh?” She’s making small talk with me. No one’s cared to do that. No one but Lex.
    I nod once, “Yeah, I suppose I do. For now, I’ll get bean bag chairs. Those are comfy.” She lets out a giggle, a sound that’s comforting and kinda cute. “What? They are.”
    She giggles some more and it’s the second time I’d heard a female really laugh, in years. “Bean bag chairs are comfy but shit, I really hadn’t seen them in forever. Derrick had a couple of them and he’d sit and play video games with Landon. They’d sit there for hours blowing shit up or racing or whatever.” I watch her eyes light up and then fade a little. “Boys and their toys.”
    “Hey, don’t diss the toys.” I wiggle my finger at her, jokingly. “I never had the Xbox console but I wore the shit out of the Super Nintendo. That was the good stuff.”
    “So when is he coming again?”
    “Like a month or something.” She relaxes against the doorframe and looks at me. “Well, I hope to meet him. I’ll see ya around.” She pulls on the handle and jumps out, never looking back.
    I stare after her and wonder why she took off so suddenly. I thought she was enjoying our small talk. Maybe I just really suck at the small talk. I let out a breath and retreat to the house.
    “Well, how’d it go?” My aunt slaves over the hot stove. Whatever she’s making smells good but I don’t stop to inspect or talk. My mind is elsewhere and I just want to lie down.
    “Okay, so I looked at apartments and I may have found one. But you’ll have to deal with bean bag chair furniture for now.” I pull my knees up and stretch my arms out over my head. My cell phone lays across my stomach, on speaker, moving up and down with the movements of my breaths.
    “Well, I’ll bring a sleeping bag and camp in the living room. It’s fine with me. Don’t go out of your way for my sake.” Just like old times, the camping in the living room. I smile.
    “Cool. So how’s it going?”
    “It’s okay I guess. Things are slow right now at the site but should pick up soon. I really hope my dad and I get our own company.” Silence makes me wonder if we got disconnected. Then, “How’s it going there? Still a monk?”
    “You’re such an ass.” Laughter fills the line and I join in because it feels good to laugh and to