Everything Left Unsaid by Jessica Davidson

trying to be Normal Normal Normal, when nothing is. People are either over-friendly or they just stare at him without speaking. I’m not much better; we can’t talk about the tumour, or What Happened Last Night, so we don’t really talk about anything, we just silently hold hands.
    It seems so much easier to avoid class that morning, avoid the stares and whispers. After lunch Tai gets called to see Mr Edwards, the guidance counsellor, while I go to chemistry with Lina.
    On the bus on the way home Tai smiles at me and holds my hand. But he doesn’t talk about the counsellor visit and I don’t ask.
    • • •
    On Friday night, I get ready at Gen’s, and it feels good to be doing something so familiar. We walk to the party and are freezing by the time we get there. We huddle together for warmth, and I curse her for convincing me that wearing a singlet was a good idea. She rolls her eyes at me, shivering. We look so cool . Literally.
    It’s better inside, and we claim a spot by the heater, watching the drinking game that’s going on. Tai’s winning, or at least he’s close, and refuses the glass of water I try to push into his hand, looking at me like I’m an annoying parent. I give up, and Gen and I go back outside. We rub our bare arms as she tells me the latest about her parents’ divorce. She’s just filling me in about her mum’s new boyfriend when Tai stumbles towards us. Gen quickly gulps down her drink and says, ‘ Oh damn, look at that . I’ll have to go and get another one,’ leaving Tai and me alone.
    Tai smiles at me blearily and grabs my hand. ‘Hey, Juliet. I’m glad I found you. You know the other night at the beach, how you told me—’ I hold my breath, waiting for what comes next, but instead of finishing his sentence Tai turns his head and throws up in the rosebushes.
    I go find Gen and tell her I’m going to walk Tai home. Tai has finished spewing when I get back outside, and is digging in his pockets for gum. He’s still all hopped up on alcohol, and the party, and is full of ideas as we walk down the street. Let’s go down to the beach, go swimming. Let’s go for a midnight walk. Or something . But I’m cold and tired, and just want to go home. He kisses me when we reach the spot halfway between our houses. Goodnight, Juliet . He hasn’t said another word about the other night.
    • • •
    Tai has a doctor’s appointment on Monday and doesn’t come to school. It seems too hard without him there so I hide in the toilets for most of the morning. When I go round to his place that afternoon he looks kind of drained. We lie on the lounge room floor, watching television. Mia comes in with a glass of water and hands him a pill. He catches my questioning look and shrugs it off.
    ‘New drugs. No biggie.’
    ‘What are they for, Tai?’
    ‘They’re not going to make me better, if that’s what you mean.’ He twists his lips in a bitter kind of smile. ‘They want me to take all these drugs and have surgery then radiotherapy, but it’s only to buy me time, not to fix anything. Then, when I’ve had enough, or they’ve decided it’s enough, they’ll leave me alone.’
    We sit there in silence for a while, and I’m biting my lip, trying not to cry, when Tai goes greyish. He gets up and races to the bathroom.
    Eventually he reappears, pale and embarrassed. Mia comes in with another glass of water but he’s barely had a sip before he throws that up too.
    ‘That’s it,’ Mia says. ‘We’re going back to the doctor.’ Tai smiles at me weakly as she makes the call, and then she ushers him to the car. I trudge home, shocked by the sudden change in Tai. He never seemed sick until now. It didn’t seem real. I wonder how much sicker he’ll get.
    • • •
    The doctor changes the dose of Tai’s medication, and gives him another medicine, something called Zofran, that’s supposed to stop him being sick. It does, but he’s more headachy and tired instead. I notice that he