Everything Left Unsaid by Jessica Davidson Page A

bruises easily, too. When Hendrix throws a Matchbox car at River and hits Tai instead, it leaves him with a bruise as big as my iPod on the inside of his elbow.
    One night we walk down to the beach, and sit on the jetty. He drums his fingers on the wood, watching the ocean.
    ‘What are you thinking about?’ I ask.
    ‘Nothing. I just . . . I don’t know why I even bother with the chemo meds; they make me feel like shit. I wouldn’t even take them if it wasn’t for Mum. They say I can stop any time I’ve had enough, but I can’t stop them now – it would kill her. But they’re just delaying the inevitable, you know?’ Tai’s hands have balled into fists. ‘They reckon I’ve got a year at the most. One year. That I’ll just get sicker and sicker, and then . . .’ His voice trails off, but it doesn’t matter. I can fill in the blanks. ‘They keep talking about how I’ll have to decide what to do, like whether I want to stay in hospital or go home. How am I supposed to know?’ Tai looks like he wants to burst into tears. Then he shifts down a couple of steps and rests his head in my lap. I feel him crying before I hear it.
    ‘I’m sorry, Tai,’ I whisper, ‘I’m so sorry,’ over and over as he weeps.
    Afterwards, he wipes his face on the hem of his shirt, then looks up, vulnerable now. He shrugs. Sorry about that .
    I shrug back. It doesn’t matter .
    We walk back to his house slowly, holding hands. At the door he scrabbles in his pockets for the key and looks at me. ‘It’s not that late. Want to come in for a while?’ I check my phone for the time. Mum has threatened to ground me for a month if I miss curfew on a school night, and it felt like we were at the beach forever, but Tai’s right, it’s not that late. ‘Sure.’
    Tai sticks his head into the lounge room as we pass by. ‘Mum, I’m home. We’ll be in my room, okay?’
    Mia waves to us absently. ‘Have fun, you two.’
    I wait until we’re in his room before I ask, ‘What’s up with your mum? Since when are we allowed to be in your room with the door closed and everything?’
    He grins. ‘I’m allowed to do whatever I want now.’
    We laugh about what we could get up to with our newfound freedom but there’s no desire to actually go through with any of it, not tonight. We just lie on the bed and hold each other tight.
    I get home with about two minutes to spare, ready to hide in my room and drown out the world with my iPod, but Mum is waiting, ready to pounce with a lecture on The Importance of Schoolwork. She’s segued into the latest version of What Will Happen If You Fail All Your Exams when I cut her short.
    ‘You know what’s vital for passing exams, Mum? Sleep. Which you’re depriving me of right now.’
    ‘I’ve got your best interests at heart, Juliet, you know that.’
    ‘Yeah. Whatever.’
    ‘You don’t have to be like that, you know,’ she says quietly. ‘I know things are hard for you—’
    ‘Hard doesn’t even begin to cover it.’
    ‘But,’ she says, ignoring me, ‘it’s not all about Tai, honey. You know I love him. But I want you to still have options next year, when he’s—’
    I grit my teeth. ‘Don’t say it, Mum.’
    ‘Juliet, I wish this wasn’t happening, I really do. But the reality is what it is. You’re going to lose Tai; I don’t want you to lose everything else. The school called today, and told me you haven’t been going to class. Is that true?’
    ‘Can you stop?’
    But she doesn’t, not yet. ‘Do you really think that Tai would want you to miss out on uni, to miss out on all your plans for next year, after all your hard work?’
    ‘I just know he doesn’t want to die, Mum.’ I’m yelling now. ‘I don’t care, okay? I don’t care about school, and I don’t care about uni, and I don’t care about the exams. I just care about Tai.’ I storm off to my room, locking the door behind me.
    Mum follows me. ‘Juliet, talk to me. Let me in.’
    ‘No.’
    ‘Open