Falling into Surrender by A. Zavarelli Page A

doesn’t feel the same. I need his passion, his guidance, his control. And he’s refusing to give it to me.
    Resigned to my fate, I pull off of him, watching his thick erection flop back against his belly. I scoot down between his legs and pull him into my mouth. His hand reaches out to stop me as he speaks.
    “Victoria, don’t.”
    I ignore him, giving it my all as I suck him furiously. At least one of us should come. Eventually, his protests are drowned out by his groans as he relaxes back into the bed. I suck him into oblivion, and within moments he explodes in my mouth. I swallow everything he has to give me along with my pain and sorrow.
    And then I gather what’s left of my dignity and walk towards the bathroom.
    “Victoria,” he calls out, “come back, baby.”
    I don’t respond because I can’t. The minute I have the door shut the tears spill down my cheeks. I want Gabriel back. My rough, possessive, dominant Gabriel. But somehow I fear this is the end. We’ve been through too much. I pulled him into my fucked up life, and now he doesn’t want to deal with it. It’s the only logical conclusion I can come up with.
    I turn on the shower and strip off my clothes, leaving the door locked behind me. As I relax under the stream of hot water, I think back on my time in prison. How I imagined what it would be like if I got out and came back to Gabriel. I envisioned it in my head hundreds of times but never was it anything like this.
    When the water finally runs cold, I step out and dry off, my skin as raw as my nerves at the moment. The bed is empty when I open the door, and Gabriel has disappeared again. I’m sure he’s holed back up in his office, and if last night was any indication, he’ll be there all night.
    After throwing on comfortable clothes, I text Alanna and ask her if she wants to meet for drinks. To my relief, she agrees right away.
    Gabriel’s office door is shut as I pause in front of it, debating whether I should even say anything. But then I realize it would just seem childish if I didn’t, so I knock lightly, feeling a little awkward as I wait for him to call out. When he does I open it to find him sitting in front of his desk with a stack of paperwork.
    “How did your meetings go today?” I ask.
    “Good,” he mutters, not even bothering to look at me. “Yep, everything is good.”
    Okay then. “Alright, well I can see you’re busy, so I’ll leave you to it. I’m going to meet Alanna for a while.”
    Gabriel spins around in his chair and looks up at me, a lingering note of sadness in his eyes. Again I want to beg him to tell me what’s wrong with him, but I can’t. I’ve already asked him several times since I’ve been home, and he needs to tell me on his own.
    “Victoria, I….” His words fall short with a deep sigh, and I can tell he doesn’t know what to say.
    “It’s okay, Gabriel,” I reassure him. “I’m going. You can do your work in peace. I’ll see you when I get back.”
    “Okay,” he says softly.
     
    ***
     
    When I get to the bar, a Mexican themed place named Cabo, I’m greeted by Alanna and two Pina coladas. She hands me one of them and eagerly takes a sip, motioning to our table.
    “We’re over there,” she says. “Ladies night out. I have so missed this.”
    “Me too,” I manage to say between sips. I did miss her. It’s weird not having a place together anymore when we’ve been living together for so long. I didn’t even have time to prepare or get used to the idea. I just came back to find my apartment, and my life as I knew it, gone.
    I follow Alanna to the table across the room and sit down. There’s upbeat music playing from the speakers above, and I feel myself relax as I look across the table at my happy companion.
    “So,” Alanna starts. “You said Gabriel’s acting weird. What’s going on?”
    I smile at her eagerness to get to the bottom of the situation. At least she hasn’t changed drastically in my absence. “I don’t