Fin & Matt

Fin & Matt by Charlie Winters Page A

Book: Fin & Matt by Charlie Winters Read Free Book Online
Authors: Charlie Winters
period of time?  I’m afraid I’m going to push him away.”
    “Does he seem nervous about the whole thing?”
    “That’s the thing,” I admitted.  “He doesn’t.  I’m pushing him away, I think.  I’m afraid if I don’t, he’ll leave me.”
    He smiled gently, absently twirling a pen in his fingers.  “Has he given you any reason to think that?”
    “No,” I said in defeat.  “He hasn’t done anything.  He says he loves me too.  He said it first, actually.”
    He let out a short laugh.  “So what are you doing here, Finny?”
    “I’ve never been in love before.  I’m fucking petrified.  I needed some advice.  I needed the river or something.”
    “The answers aren’t down at that river, boy.  They’re with that man.”  The accent was back, luring me into the past to the father who sang “I See the Moon” to me in Gaelic.  “Do you trust him?”
    I ducked my head, my chin resting against my chest.  “Yes, which is probably why I’m fucked.”
    “Look at me.”
    I lifted my head to meet his eyes as he leaned into the desk, hands splayed close to the edge.  “What?” I mumbled.
    “When he was here, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.  He looks at you the same way I looked at your mum.  She was the flightiest woman I’d ever met, but I wanted her like I’d never wanted anything else in the world.  Do you feel that way about your Matthew?”
    I could feel the tears welling behind my lids.  Looking down again, I gave him a short nod.  “He wants to tell Gallo.”
    “Your boss?”  He sat up straight in his chair.  “Do you see that going well, Finlay?”
    I shrugged.  “I don’t know.  He knows about me.”
    “Not everyone is as understanding as your mum and me, you know.  You may think you know this Gallo, but you wouldn’t want to lose your new job over your private life, would you?  Not to mention Matt’s.  From what you told us, he needs the money.”
    “I told him it was a bad idea.”
    “I never said it was a bad idea.  I just said that not everyone understands this lifestyle.”  He blew out a long breath.  “I apologize, son.  I know it’s not a lifestyle .  That was the wrong word, so I hope you’ll forgive me.  What I mean is that people can be cruel.”
    I thought back to every slur I’d ever heard and shuddered visibly. 
    Faggot.  Fairy. Queer.  Gay boy.
    “I know,” I whispered.  “I wish things were different.”
    “They will be.  Give people time.  You’re an amazing man.  You aren’t defined by your sexuality, you know.”
    “To them, I am .  They find out I’m gay and everything changes.”
    He scratched his silver hair thoughtfully.  “Have you been mistreated at work?”
    I shook my head.  “No, I just mean that the male teachers there are standoffish with me.  I mean, not with Matt, but that’s because no one knows about him.”
    “No one knows about him?” he repeated.
    “No.  He feels like it would be a bad idea since he coaches the boys.  Parents… I don’t know.  You know how people are.  Once they find out you’re gay, they automatically assume you’re a pedophile as well.”  I shrugged.  “I’m not sure how those two things automatically go hand-in-hand, but, like you said, people are cruel.”
    “I see,” he responded.
    “What?” I asked. 
    “How do you think this relationship is going to work, son?  I’m just worried that perhaps Matt won’t ever be able to be honest.  I just want to make sure that you’re prepared to date a man who will hide you.  Do you want to be hidden?”
    “That’s just it though.  He doesn’t want to, I don’t think.  He wants to tell Gallo which means that everyone will know.  I don’t want him to lose his job and I’m scared to death about everything when it comes to him.  He gets up to go to the bathroom and I’m afraid he’s gonna leave, Dad.”  My tears fell hot onto my cheeks as I quickly pushed them away with my

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