Forever Blessed (Women of Prayer) by Darlene Shortridge Page B

sinners like me. I challenge each of you to go out and love someone. Love someone who you think is unlovable. Show them the love of Christ and change their lives forever.”
    Laney kept her distance as Sheila spoke with Pastor Mark and Jessi after service. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself or the fact that she was having major issues with the content of his message. She could not understand why God would want her to love someone who didn’t deserve to be loved. It made no sense. What did these people do to deserve love? What did Paul do to deserve love? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What right did this guy have to tell her to love anybody? Being careful not to make eye contact, she patiently waited for Sheila.
    Once they were outside, she was unable to keep quiet any longer. “Do you really believe all that nonsense? About God wanting us to love everyone, even people who don’t deserve our love? I mean, really? God expects me to love Paul? After everything he has done?”
    Sheila chose her words wisely. “Laney, God doesn’t measure a person’s worth the way we do. He doesn’t look down and see an 'unlovable' person. When he looks at us, he looks at our hearts. He sees where we have been and the hurts that have plagued us all our lives. He sees past our sin and sees what we can be if only we will let him help change us.”
    She closed her eyes and continued. “Do you remember me telling you what my childhood was like? How I would hide in the closet until it got quiet, until I knew it was safe to come out? I had to get past feeling afraid. I had to learn to trust my heavenly father even though I had no idea how to trust my earthly father. It wasn’t easy for me. When I was a child, it was easy to trust…to have faith. But as I grew older, I also grew bitter and angry. My heart hardened and I walked away from my faith. It was right after my mother died. My father had been drinking and was especially angry with her. It was over something stupid, like usual. He came in mad and just let her have it. I never told you about what happened.
    We had just graduated from college and I was home visiting before I headed out to make my fortune. He must have forgotten I was home because he had learned to restrain himself when I was there. I didn’t hear them right away. I was listening to my iPod with earphones and physically felt a shaking before I knew anything was happening. I pulled my earphones out and ran downstairs and found him standing over her, just staring. He looked at me, and then looked back down at her bleeding, broken body. I screamed and he took off. The neighbors called the police and they found me covered in her blood, just holding her and crying. It took two paramedics to pry her out of my hands.
    "If he hadn’t hit a telephone pole and died in the accident, I swear I would have killed him myself. It took everything I had in me to allow them to be buried next to one another. I hated my father. There are times I still think I do. I hated myself. If I had been more attentive, if I had been paying attention, maybe my mother would still be alive. For the longest time I blamed myself. I had been listening to music, absorbed in my own world. I didn’t know where to turn. I had no idea what to do.
    “I lived in a daze for weeks, wondering how it all was going to end. I questioned God at every turn. For as much as I blamed myself, I blamed God more. He did this. He let this happen. He didn’t care about my mother. He didn’t care about me. All these thoughts kept pouring into my head, invading every thinking moment. They wouldn’t let me alone. My anger grew. I didn’t care about anyone or anything. I started drinking. I trashed my parents’ house. I smashed every picture he was in and I cried over every picture she was in. I wandered around our town, drunk. Did you know I was arrested for public intoxication?”
    By now both women were seated on the stone bench outside the house in the garden.