Gates to Tangier by Mois Benarroch Page A

traveling on that late night journey. Instead she lo ­ oked at all of the blue seats. "Blue should calm me down, it has always calmed me."
    She hoped that Marc ­ el would be awake, but she had no idea how to tell him what she now knew. She had always known that something strange was going on. But how can you know if it is all in your head? That's like knowing how, or what other people are thinking. Can you read the mind of another? We don't even know the thoughts of those closest to us. The conductor announced that they were at the final station.
    It was five minutes from the final station to the apartm ­ ent she rented with Marcel. And Zohra was always afraid that in those five minutes someone would rape her. She t ­ old her boyfriend about these fears, but he never gave it much thought. "Never in a million years w ­ ill a man ever understand rape, or fear of rape," she thought. And it isn't worth it to insist and to explain why it scares us so much, and the humili ­ ation of it." Zohra had been raped once, when she was seventeen, one day after her boyfriend had left her. Someone had offered to give her a ride at an autostop, then after a few drinks together he took her to a warehouse and made her have sex with him. She hated him. Afterwards he cried and apologized for what he had done. She apologized and took her home. Her mother had scr ­ eamed at her, her step-father called her a whore, and even she felt dirty and guilty for what that idiot had done to her. She thinks about him often, when making love. But now she could put those thoughts aside. This time she only wanted Marcel.
    She got home quickly, as if it weren't just her legs carrying her, but as if her vagina had grown le ­ gs to speed up her pace. She felt Marcel insi ­ de her long before he actually penetrated her. W ­ hen she arrived he was sleeping. She went to take a shower. A hot shower always makes sex better. Marcel preferred to shower aft ­ er making love.
    She left the shower naked and got into bed, pushing up against him. He slept naked, but his cool b ­ ody didn't wake up. "I need you now," she thought, "I need you now more than ever. I can't help it," She touched his penis and made it as hard and str ­ ong as she could. He turned his back on her and snored a little. She turned him back onto his back and got on top of him, pushing him inside her. Her hips slid to the right and to the left, pushed in and out, and Marcel was still sleeping. She stopped trying to wake him up. That's how it went on for almost hal ­ f an hour until she orgasmed. She felt it throughout her whole body, in her skin, and in the organs. She slid off of him. He hadn't ejaculated. She thought, that was the be ­ st sex I have ever had. We should do that ag ­ ain. Fuck while sleeping. She lay down at his side, and he turned his back to her. She fell asleep.
    In the morning they woke up together and made love again.
    "Do you remember last night?" she asked.
    "I had a wonderful dream."
    He pulled her into his arms again and felt her love. As if they had just met yesterday. He might leave me today, she tho ­ ught. Who knows. After I tell him what I know.
    "Today I'm free all day, I'll go get some croissants and we'll have some coffee together. I have something important to tell you."
    "Yes, I see," said Marcel, winking.
    "I'll put on some music."
    He put on a Brassens CD and left the house while the singer crooned that there is no happy love.
    When he got back, Zohra was half-asleep in bed. He prepared an americano and brought the coffee and croissants to bed.
    "I want you again, before the coffee."
    "I don't think I have the strength. Maybe later."
    "Come here, come here, put the coffee on the table."
    "It will get cold."
    "So?"
    They fell into each other's arms again. But Marcel wasn't focused. She smiled and he brought the coffee.
    "What did you have to tell me?" he asked matter-of-factly.
    "Wait - let's go to the living room table. C ­ ould you bring me some