Harbor Lights by Sherryl Woods Page A

did.”
    Her gaze steady, she said, “No, Kevin, I didn’t, not the way you’re implying, anyway. I was here, time after time. You were all so angry, and who could blame you, but I kept coming back. I encouraged all of you to come to New York. I was supposed to share custody with your father. Mick and I had agreed to that. He provided enough alimony and child support for a place big enough for all of us. My apartment was filled with empty bedrooms intended for you. I had schools picked out. Ask Abby if you don’t believe me. When she moved to New York, she visited the apartment, saw the room I’d decorated for you and Connor with all sorts of sports posters, the one for Bree and Abby with a computer, the perfect little girl’s room for Jess.”
    Shaken, Kevin regarded her with disbelief. “Why did you do all that, then never take us with you?”
    “Because I was convinced you’d be miserable if I took you away from here. It was the wrong decision, no question about it, but I did what I thought was best for you at the time. Your friends were here. You had family here. In New York, with me working, you all would have had too much time on your own in a strange place, even if I’d arranged for a housekeeper. And, on top of all that, most of you were barely speaking to me. Eventually I had to face the fact that you all wanted to be here, rather than withme. I finally gave up that ridiculously expensive apartment and got one I could afford without any help from your father.”
    He hated the image that came to mind of his mother sitting all alone in that large, empty apartment. For an instant, his heart filled with compassion, but it took only a moment before it hardened again. He’d had years to perfect the anger and no time at all to absorb this other side to the story.
    Apparently his mother wasn’t expecting a response or even a reaction, because she continued, each word another blow to the wall of defenses he’d erected.
    “Instead, I settled for being the outsider,” she said. “I settled for coming again and again for uncomfortable visits, trying to chip away at all that anger.” She gave him a rueful look. “Every one of you kids inherited the O’Brien gene for stubbornness in spades. Not one of you ever cut me any slack.”
    “Did you expect us to?”
    “I hoped, with time, you would. That’s why I never stopped trying.”
    The conversation made him look back from a different perspective, see that period of his life in a new light. Maybe she hadn’t been quite the monster he’d turned her into in his own head.
    She looked at him thoughtfully. “Now that I’ve answered your questions, will you answer one of mine?”
    He shrugged. “I guess.”
    This time when she reached out to touch his cheek, she didn’t pull back. “Tell me why you’re in so much pain?”
    He stared at her incredulously. “I lost my wife! How do you expect me to feel?”
    “Oh, Kevin, I know grief when I see it, and that’s not what I’m seeing with you, not entirely, anyway.”
    “You think you know what it’s like to grieve for someone?”
    She didn’t even hesitate. “I grieved for you children every day of the past fifteen years.”
    “Not the same. You could have had us back. All you needed to do was move home, or at least back to Chesapeake Shores. There’s nothing, nothing, I can do to get Georgia back.”
    To his dismay he saw something in her eyes that scared him, an apparent understanding of every emotion that was in his heart.
    “If you could wave a magic wand and bring her back, would you?”
    “Of course,” he said at once, stunned that she’d even ask such a ridiculous question.
    She waved off the quick response. “I don’t just mean having her safe and alive,” she amended. “Of course, all of us want that. I meant here, with you.”
    He was slower to respond this time, though he once again insisted, “Of course.”
    “Sweetheart, that tiny hesitation speaks volumes,” she said.
    “What?”