Having Nathan's Baby by Fran Louise Page B

honest.
     

Chapter Six
     
    “It’s not that I have anything to say particularly,” I started. Good start. How could I be so uncomfortable around him after all these years? I could barely decipher anything behind his opaque facade. “Nothing specific, like one thing we need to discuss-” I exhaled slowly. “I’m ... I have no... We aren’t-” I inhaled quickly, looking anywhere but at him. This was worse than open court! “I need some ground rules,” I managed finally.
    Yes, ground rules. I turned back to him and felt some assuredness return. That was what I wanted to talk about. That was what had been bothering me. He looked skeptical, but not totally closed to what I was saying. I focused on the premise and allowed it to develop in my mind. “We need ground rules. We’re not in a committed relationship, and so we need to decide how we want to bring up this baby.”
    He lifted his brows and let his gaze wander around the empty room while he considered this. Then he hoisted himself up on the island, the only place to sit, and leaned back on his hands. “Okay.” His eyes were narrowed again when he turned his attention back to me. “What did you have in mind?”
    Good question. I faltered for a moment. Why had I brought this up? Oh yeah ... I’d been riding the emotional rollercoaster called hormones. Or had I? Was this prompted by something else? “I don’t like this...” It was my turn to stare at the empty room now as I tried to isolate my feelings. “-indecision.” No, that wasn’t it. “I mean, I have no idea how you want to do this. How we’re supposed to live together. Not literally, obviously, but in a figurative sense. Co-exist with the baby.”
    My chest became tight again as I considered this. A wave of sadness so intense swooped down upon me that I wondered for a terrified moment if I might well up. I looked down at where my hands were clenched over my stomach, before loosening them and pinioning him with a forceful look. I had to pull myself together.
    “We’re not in a committed relationship,” I started again. “Which means at any time you might decide to enter into a relationship with another woman.” Wow, I sounded so matter-of-fact. Proud of myself, I warmed to the topic. “We have to consider what’s best for this baby and I don’t think we should wait until the issue comes up to deal with it.”
    “I’m not seeing someone else.” His frown deepened. “Are you?”
    “No, but that’s not the point of what I’m getting at-”
    “Because you keep harping on about not being in a relationship, and I’m starting to wonder if you’re worried that this baby thing is going to tie you down somehow,” he said. “If you want to see someone else-”
    “It’s a baby, not a ‘baby-thing’, and I’m not seeing anyone, Nathan!” I was floored by the absolutely flawed logic of his reasoning. How could he get it so wrong?
    “I’m not against talking about the future, about making plans, you know.” His expression was steely now. He sounded as though he was holding on to his patience. “I’d just rather not keep having these cryptic goddamn discussions about not being in a committed relationship-”
    “I just need some ground rules, Nathan! In case one of us does meet someone. Is that too much to ask?”
    “You shouldn’t be getting upset,” he said. “It’s not good for the baby.”
    “Oh my God!” Frustration made my limbs ache. I paced away from him. This was impossible! How was I supposed to have a reasonable discussion with him about anything when he wouldn’t listen to what I was saying?
    “What is this really about, Chloe?”
    “It’s really about exactly what I said it was about,” I responded, feeling inexplicably overheated in the frigid house. I yanked my scarf off. “This isn’t about us. There’s a baby to consider, and we can’t have random people coming in and out of his or her life. I’m sure you don’t want to have to deal with some guy