Heartache and Other Natural Shocks by Glenda Leznoff Page A

a snack and head downstairs. Buzz and Bobby have turned the basement into a pillow fortress, and they’re shooting Nerf balls everywhere. When we walk in, Buzz yells, “Enemy! Fire!” and they bombard us with those stupid pink and green sponge-balls.
    “Quit it,” I yell.
    Ian pelts the balls back at the boys, but I scoop them up till they run out of ammunition.
    “Gimme the balls, you lousy traitor,” Buzz says, leaping out of his fortress, gun raised.
    “In a minute,” I say. “First, I need you to do me a favor.” Buzz eyes me suspiciously. “Look, Saturday night, when Maand Pa go to the Epsteins’, why don’t you two hang out there and watch the hockey game together?”
    “Sure,” Bobby says.
    Buzz narrows his eyes. “Why do you want to get rid of me?”
    “Look, I don’t want to babysit,” I say. “Ian and I have plans, okay?”
    “What if I don’t want to go?” Buzz asks. The kid’s no dummy. He senses an advantage.
    So, I do what I always do when the going gets tough: I resort to bribery. I pull a dollar bill out of my pocket and wave it in the air. “Listen, pip-squeak,” I say, “you go to Bobby’s, and this dollar is yours.” The boys eye the money greedily. A buck buys a lot of chocolate.
    “Deal,” Buzz says, snatching the money.
    Bobby pumps his arm. “ ‘Hockey Night in Canada’!”
    “Leafs versus Habs,” Buzz says.
    “Your team’s gonna get creamed,” Bobby taunts.
    I drop the Nerf balls, and the boys scramble after them. “Clear out. We need some privacy,” I say. Ian puts Joe Cocker on the stereo.
    As the boys scamper up the stairs, Buzz wags his bum like a girl and chants, “Carla and Ian sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
 …”
    Finally, the basement door shuts. Mission accomplished! I turn to Ian. I sidle up to him, real close, and say, “I guess we can go to that movie now.”
    Ian wraps his arms around me and says, “Let’s just stay here.”
    “What?” I squawk. “What about
Klute
?”
    Ian nuzzles his face into my cheek. “But, Carla, we’ll have the whole house to ourselves. Saturday night, you and me, alone.” The way he whispers it—oh my God!—I practically wet my pants on the spot. He pulls me down onto the pillow fort. Joe Cocker sings “Feelin’ Alright,” and I’m feelin’ pretty good myself. Ian and I make out like mad. He’s so much hotter than my other boyfriends. Those guys were so predictable. It’s like they were plodding through the salad course, killing time till they got to the main dish. Not Ian. With him, every course is gourmet. When we’re making out, I feel like I’m Jacques Cousteau exploring an unknown tributary of the Amazon River, wondering what exotic surprise is waiting for me just around the bend.

“A Case of You”
    Dad arrives on Friday night, and Bobby tackles him as soon as he walks through the door. Dad throws Bobby up in the air and then gives me a big bear hug. “How’s my favorite girl?” he asks.
    “I’m your only girl,” I say, smiling.
    Dad winks at me. He kisses Mom. We all start talking at the same time, and suddenly we feel like a family again. In the kitchen, Dad unpacks food from Montreal: smoked meat, Fairmount Bagels (you can’t get good bagels in Toronto) and Bubby Epstein’s homemade blintzes. While we eat, he fills us in on the family news. Bubby and Zadie are planning to visit Uncle Seymour and Aunt Rose in North Palm Beach in November. Aunt Connie is working with a Zionist organization to free Soviet Jews. Dad tells us his latest jokes, and even though they’re real groaners, we grin because when he delivers the punch line, he laughs louder than everyone.
    Bobby has a hockey game on Saturday morning, and I go along just to hang out with Dad. Bobby and Buzz’s team is called the Hornets, and Mr. Cabrielli is their coach. Dad goes into the locker room to help Bobby suit up, and by the timehe comes out, he and Mr. Cabrielli are acting like old pals, slapping each other on the