Heaven's Queen by Rachel Bach Page B

chest. “If you’re pissed at me, just say so. You sitting there taking it out on the ship doesn’t help anything.”
    Rupert glanced at the console in surprise, like he was seeing it for the first time. “Sorry,” he said softly.
    “Why are you apologizing?” I snapped. “I asked you to tell me why you were mad, not apologize for it.”
    “I’m not angry.”
    My look must have told him what I thought of that, because Rupert covered his face with a frustrated sigh. “Fine,” he said. “I’m angry. I’m angry we have to be on the run again so soon. I’d hoped for more time, but then that man came in and ruined it.”
    Considering what Rupert and I had been doing—or rather, almost doing—when Anthony busted in, I didn’t have to ask what the “it” was. Honestly, though, I was kind of glad Anthony had broken that up. I’d been very close to just saying screw it and jumping Rupert right there in the kitchen, which would have been a monumentally bad idea. Casual hookups were one thing, but adding sex to the confusing emotional minefield that lay between Rupert and me was asking for a disaster I did not have the resources to handle. Especially not when I found it so unexpectedly gratifying that Rupert, Mr. Iceberg, had gotten this upset over
me
. I was busily reminding myself of all the reasons why being happy over his attention was a
very bad thing
when Rupert dropped the real bomb.
    “I’m also upset that you’ve been hiding the virus from me.”
    I jerked around to see him glaring at me. “I saw your hands as you were going upstairs,” he said. “You had another attack after the kitchen. That was why you went and hid in the bathroom, wasn’t it?”
    I briefly considered lying, but there wasn’t really a point now. “Yes,” I said. “But I’ve got it under control, so you don’t have to worry.”
    Rupert’s jaw tightened, and I suddenly got the feeling that the anger I was seeing was only the tip of the mountain. “And what part exactly shouldn’t I worry about?” he asked. “The part where you’re having flare-ups of a virus that could kill off every living thing around you, or the part where you’re hiding it, thus preventing me from doing anything to help?”
    “It’s not like you could do something,” I said, suddenly defensive. “It’s my virus, okay? I’ve got it under control.”
    “That’s just it,” Rupert said, his voice creeping up. “I don’t think you do, because I don’t think something like this
can
be controlled. Not reliably.” He stopped and took a deep breath. “I know you don’t trust me, Devi, and I don’t blame you for that, but you can’t keep trying to handle everything by yourself.”
    “I have to,” I said. “I didn’t ask to get this virus, but it’s mine now. I’m the only one who can use it, and it’s my duty to make sure I do the most good I can.”
    “But you don’t have to do it alone,” Rupert said. “No one’s doubting your courage or your honor, but there’s a difference between being brave and being reckless. You always charge blindly forward, throwing your life around like it’s meaningless, but it
isn’t
.”
    “I do what I have to do,” I snapped. “If I’d sat around worrying about my hide in Reaper’s arena, we’d all be dead. Instead, we’re alive, Reaper’s fleet is gone, and we have another chance to actually do some good.”
    “It’s pure luck you didn’t die,” Rupert said.
    “If I was afraid of dying, I couldn’t do half the shit I do,” I told him. “But I’m not, and if you’re going to try and tell me I should be, you can forget it.”
    That was probably a step too far, but I didn’t care. I was so sick of men trying to protect me. “I can handle myself,” I said. “I’ve been handling myself in combat for nine damn years, and I will
not
let you hold me back now.”
    “I’m not trying to hold you back!” Rupert shouted, and then he stopped, taking a deep breath. “I don’t want