Heavy Weather by P. G. Wodehouse Page A

blue stare. Ronnie, looking up and meeting it, diverted his gaze towards a portrait of the second Earl which hung on the wall beside him.
    'Amazing beards those blokes used to wear,' he said nonchalantly.
    ‘I wonder you can look your ancestors in the face.'
    'I can't, as a matter of fact. They're an ugly crowd. The only decent one is Daredevil Dick Threepwood who married the actress.'
    'You would bring up Daredevil Dick, wouldn't you?' 'That's right, mother. Let's see the old smile.' 'I'm not smiling. What you observed was a twitch of pain. Really, Ronnie, you ought to be certified.' 'Now, mother . . .'
    'Ronnie,' said Lady Julia, 'if you dare to lift up your finger and say "Tweet-tweet, shush-shush, come-come," I'll hit you. It's no good grinning in that sickening way. It simply confirms my opinion that you are a raving lunatic, an utter imbecile, and that you ought to have been placed under restraint years ago.'
    'Oh, dash it.'
    'It's no good saying "Oh, dash it".'
    'Well, I do say "Oh, dash it." Be reasonable. Naturally I don't expect you to start dancing round and strewing roses out of a hat, but you might preserve the decencies of debate. Highly offensive, that last crack.'
    Lady Julia sighed.
    'Why do all you young fools want to marry chorus-girls?' 'Read any good books lately, mother?' asked Ronnie, pacifically.
    Lady Julia refused to be diverted.
    'It's too amazing. It's a disease. It really is. Just like measles or whooping-cough. All young men apparently have to go through it.
    It seems only the other day that my poor father was shipping your Uncle Galahad off to Africa to ensure a cure.'
    'I'll tell you something interesting about that, mother. The girl Uncle Gally was in love with. . .'
    'I was a child at the time, but I can recall it so distinctly. Father thumping tables, mother weeping, and all that rather charming, old-world atmosphere of family curses. And now it's you! Well, well, one can only thank goodness that it never seems to last long. The fever takes its course, and the patient recovers. Ronnie, my poor half-wit, you can't really be serious about this ?'
    'Serious!'
    'But, Ronnie, really! A chorus-girl.' ' There's a lot to be said for chorus-girls.'
    'Not in my presence. I couldn't bear it. It's so callow of you, my dear boy. If this had happened when you were at Eton, I wouldn't have said a word. But when you're grown up and are supposed to have some sense. Look at the men who marry chorus-girls. A race apart. Young Datchet. .. That awful old Bellinger ...'
    'Ah, but you're overlooking something, my dear old parent. There are chorus-girls and chorus-girls.'
    'This is your kind heart speaking.'
    'And when you get one like Sue. . .'
    'No, Ronnie. It's nice of you to try to cheer me up, but it can't be done. I regard the entire personnel of the ensembles of our musical comedy theatres as - if you will forgive me being Victorian for a moment - painted hussies.'
    'They've got to paint.'
    'Well, they needn't huss. And they needn't ensnare my son.'
    'I'm not sure I like that word "ensnare" much.'
    'You probably won't much like any of the words you're going to get from me tonight. Honestly, Ronnie. I know it hurts your head to think, but try to just for a moment. It isn't simply a question of class. It's the whole thing... the different viewpoint... the different standards ... everything. I take it that your idea when you marry is to settle down and lead a normal sort of life, and how are you going to have that with a chorus-girl ? How are you going to trust a woman of that sort of upbringing, who has lived on excitement ever since she was old enough to kick her beastly legs up in front of an audience and sees nothing wrong in going off and having affairs with every man that takes her fancy? That sort of girl would be sneaking off round the corner the moment your back was turned.'
    'Not Sue.'
    'Yes, Sue.'
    Ronnie smiled indulgently. 'Wait till you meet her!' ‘I have met her, thanks.' 'What?'
    'She was in