Hell Hath No Curry by Tamar Myers Page B

kitchen end of the vast room.
    “It’s died down a bit. I think I’ll survive.”
    “Good. Then you can grill me now, right?”
    “Excuse me?”
    “Your reputation precedes you, Miss Yoder.”
    12

    I didn’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted. If my reputation pegged me as relentless, ending an interview only when I had the desired information, that could be a plus. In any case, whatever I could do to enhance my reputation would make my job all that much easier.
    “I’ll need a nice flat surface for the thumb screws, but I forgot the bamboo splinters. You wouldn’t happen to have any shish kebab skewers, would you? They’ll do in a pinch—all puns intended. Oh, and I brought my own stretching rack. It’s portable, and I can set it up just about anywhere. I had to leave the iron maiden behind, as it’s currently in use.”
    She made no comment until she returned with the snacks.
    “Miss Yoder, either you have a very dry sense of humor or you are a very sick woman. Possibly both.”
    “Definitely both.” I took a bite of honey bar. It wasn’t nearly as sweet as I would have preferred. Neither was the hot chocolate, which wasn’t even chocolate, but made from carob powder. I didn’t have to ask about that; you can’t fool a real chocoholic.
    “So ask away,” she said, just as calmly as if she was inviting me to inquire about a vacation to the Poconos.
    HELL HATH NO CURRY
    75
    “How long were you and Cornelius involved? More specifically, were you two still an item when he proposed to Priscilla Livingood?”
    “Priscilla,” she hissed. “Don’t say her name again. Words have power, and I don’t want that word imprinting on these walls.”
    “But you just said—oh, never mind. Please answer my question.”
    “Yes, we were an item, as you put it, when he gave her that vulgar ring, but they were never truly engaged. Not to be married, at any rate. You see, Cornelius had a roving eye, and that woman thought she could tame him by tricking him into marriage, but it wasn’t going to happen. He would have balked, sooner rather than later. The minute she started talking about guest lists and menus, he’d have come to his senses.”
    “But she must have talked about those things; they were three days away from tying the knot.”
    “Are you sure ? Were you invited?”
    “No, I was not invited, and I wouldn’t have gone if I had been invited and the wedding was still on. With all the bed-hopping Cornelius engaged in, I might have been seated next to Beelzebub himself. Sitting next to Satan on a Saturday is not my cup of chai.”
    “Well, if there really was going to be a wedding, it’s only because she tricked him.”
    “Tricked him?”
    “There is no other way to explain it. That woman has less personality than a boiled rutabaga, and not one bit of her is real. She had the nerve to brag to me that they went on a ski trip together to Aspen in February. He supposedly popped the question when they were sitting in front of a cozy fireplace. Oh, please, give me a break. That woman can’t sit within twenty feet of a fireplace, for fear of melting.”
    “Miss Sha, a less judgmental woman than myself might offer the opinion that you sound bitter.”
    76 Tamar
    Myers
    “Bitter? About what? You don’t honestly think I would have wanted to marry Cornelius, do you?”
    “Who wouldn’t have—except for myself, of course. I am, as you may have heard, engaged to an exceptionally handsome Jewish doctor, who will someday be a famous novelist.”
    “Ha. I think you should be the one writing the books, given your vast imagination.”
    Pride is one of the gravest of sins, so I work hard to eradicate it from my life. I think I have made remarkable progress, even to the point that I can finally say that I am proud of my humility. But today the Good Lord must have been testing me, for not only had I been informed that I was beautiful, but apparently I had a vast imagination as well. Glory hallelujah was