Hidden by Sophie Jordan Page A

head against the tree. “I did what he wanted me to do, Jacinda. I saw it in his eyes. It was all I could do.”
    I nod slowly. “That’s true.”
    His eyes narrow and penetrate me. “But that’s not good enough for you.”
    “I don’t blame you.”
    “You don’t have to. I can see it in your eyes. You won’t even let me so much as touch your hand …” His voice fades.
    He thinks I blame him for losing Cassian? I rise from the sleeping bag, determined to correct him of that misapprehension. I may have been mad at him at first, in the moment, but I knew even then that he’d done the only thing he could for the rest of us to survive.
    He watches with steady intensity as I approach him, my feet crackling over dried leaves. “What are you doing?” he asks as I lower myself down beside him, determined to prove to him that I’m not angry with him … that I believe in him. In us. I’ve been so caught up in hiding my grief from him … afraid to hurt him by revealing my pain. Turns out I’ve been hurting him anyway.
    “Showing you,” I say.
    “Showing me what?”
    “That we’re all right. I know you would have saved him if you could. I didn’t mean for you to think I blamed you. I’ve been avoiding you because I felt guilty.”
    “Guilty for what?”
    “For missing Cassian. For feeling so … sad.” I shake my head. Sad seems such an inadequate word. I’ve forever lost a part of me. Part of me is dead. Cassian materializes in my head and it’s like a physical blow. Like a punch directly to the stomach and I can’t catch my breath. My chest rises raggedly, struggling for air. A fiery lock of hair falls before my eyes.
    “You don’t have to pretend you’re not grieving. Don’t feel guilty for feeling. For …” He pauses, and I see that his next words are a struggle for him. “Don’t feel guilty for caring about him, too.”
    My heart squeezes and I know loving Will is right. It’s always been right. For him to say those words only proves that my instincts have never been wrong about us—about him. He would never do anything to deliberately hurt anyone. Not me. Not even Cassian.
    Will brushes the lock of hair back from my eyes, his look tender. “Jacinda,” he whispers. “You don’t have to prove anything to me.” His brow furrows. “Especially since I’m not as convinced as you are.”
    I frown. “What do you mean?”
    He sighs and his expression tightens as though he were in physical pain. “I keep replaying that final moment in my mind, asking myself if there was some way … if we didn’t have to leave him behind.”
    I cup his face in my hands and force him to look at me, determined that he hear me. “You did everything you could.”
    “How are you so confident of that?”
    “Because you wouldn’t be here beating yourself up about it if you did it on purpose. And you wouldn’t hurt me.”
    And that’s the truth of it. That’s been the truth since day one. Since we first met. He wouldn’t harm Cassian if it would hurt me. I know that.
    My thumb grazes his lower lip, tracing its shape, memorizing its smooth texture. His lids drift shut, and I bring my mouth closer. His mouth parts and I taste the warmth of his breath.
    His eyes open, and they’re darker than moments before and I feel a shot of satisfaction at my effect on him.
    I scoot closer and drop my hand to his chest, kissing him tenderly, slowly at first. Pulling back, I look into his eyes again, so close to my own. They gleam darkly. I lean in for another kiss and he stops me with a firm hand on the shoulder.
    “What?”
    “You don’t have to do this.”
    I shake my head. “Don’t you want me—”
    He squeezes his eyes tightly. He shoots a glance to where Miram and Tamra sleep and then blows out a frustrated breath. Suddenly he stands and seizes my hand, dragging me after him, weaving us through trees. Our legs cut through tall grass. He catches me when I stumble over a fallen branch. Both his arms surround me,