Hiss Me Deadly by Bruce Hale Page B

it this personal. No crook had
ever
picked on my family before.
    My fists clenched. This punk was going down hard, like a skydiving brontosaurus. Why, I'd even tackle the case for free.
    But I'd never let Pinky know that.
    "You realize if I do this, you're gonna owe me big-time?" I said. "We're talking breakfast in bed, sharing desserts, no hassling me for two—no,
three
weeks..."
    "A-anything you say." Pinky sniffed. "Just find the pearls."
    I hate to see a reptile cry—even if she's my own flesh and blood.
    "Stop your sobbing, sister," I said. "I'm on the case."

2. Bad Hare Day
    After a long morning of pretending to learn stuff, a gecko needs to tuck into some serious grub. And I knew just where to find it—this funky little joint called the cafeteria. What it lacked in style, it made up for in quantity.
    That Wednesday, Mrs. Bagoong and her staff had gone all eastern European on us. The menu boasted squash-bug blintzes, fruit-fly borscht, and a bunch of other stuff I couldn't even spell, much less identify.
    I munched a heaping trayful while waiting for my partner and pal, Natalie Attired. She's an elegant mockingbird with a taste for puzzles and a wit like a razor's edge.
    "Hey, Chet," her voice chirped from behind me. "What do you get when you eat onions and beans?"
    "Ugh, don't tell me."
    "Tear gas!" She cackled.
    Make that a
dull
razor's edge.
    Natalie settled in beside me at the table. "What's the word, private eye?"
    "Kumquat," I said.
    "Actually, I was hoping for two words:
new mystery
." She pecked at a fly in my soup.
    "Hey! Keep your beak out of my borscht, and I'll tell you what's new." In short order, I laid out the case for her.
    Natalie smoothed her feathers. "Your own sister, a client?"
    "Yeah."
    "The same sister you called
pure evil in a little pink dress?
"
    "Well, yeah." I forked another bite of blintz into my trap.
    "Either you're going soft, or we're getting paid a
lot
" said Natalie.
    I chewed. "Listen, birdie. This goon picked on my sister.
Nobody
picks on Chet Gecko's little sister."
    She cocked her head. "Except Chet Gecko."
    1 lifted a shoulder. "Well, of course. Anyway, I
get to write my own ticket with her. Pinky says she'll do
anything
to pay me back."
    "And what big brother could resist that?" said Natalie. "Let's vamoose!"

    Our first interviews should've been Pinky's teacher and fellow students. Unfortunately, they were all back in class.
    Staggered lunch periods can make grown Pis weep with frustration.
    But not us. We switched to Plan B: a trip to the custodian's office. You want to get in trouble? Ask the principal. You want the lowdown on the playground? Ask a janitor.
    Maureen DeBree's cubbyhole was headquarters in the never-ending war on grime. Her assistants have come and gone. But Ms. DeBree remains—a mongoose without mercy—leading the cleanliness charge.
    I rapped on her half-open door. "Ms. DeBree? It's Chet and Natalie. Do you have—?"
    A rabbit's furry face peeked through the gap.
    "You're not Ms. DeBree," said Natalie.
    "And you're not Ham and Rye, the world-famous food jugglers," said the rabbit. "But let's be friends, anyway. I'm Anna Motta-Pia, junior janitor."
    I sized her up. Ms. Motta-Pia had the usual buck
teeth and nervous nose you come to expect in a bunny. Her bulging eyes were brown as melted fudge, and her ears stood up like two tan ladyfingers.
    (Or maybe I was just craving dessert.)
    "Uh, Ms. Motta-Pia...," I began.
    "Anna, please," she said. "Maureen is out. Y'all 5? come on in."
    We followed her into the cramped office. Buckets, mops, brooms, and an army of cleaning products lined the walls. One desk—Ms. DeBree's—was as spotless as a Teflon necktie. The other, smaller desk overflowed with papers, parsley, and a half-eaten carrot.
    Anna Motta-Pia hopped onto a stool. "I was fixin' to have a snack. Care for some greens?"
    "Only at gunpoint," I said. "No, we're here to investigate a theft."
    The bunny's eyes grew big. "Oh,