Homespun Bride by Jillian Hart Page B

future she tried not to look at.
    â€œNoelle?” Matilda’s touch at her elbow drew her from her thoughts. “Are you all right?”
    â€œY-yes.” It took all her strength of will to bury her feelings. She turned in the direction of her cousin’s voice. “No need to worry about me. Do you like your mare?”
    â€œShe’s a darling. Papa promised he’d teach me to drive once the weather turns warmer. I’m so excited. I’ve been waiting to learn to drive for ever so long. Mama still thinks I’m twelve.”
    â€œShe loves you,” Noelle said simply.
    â€œI know. I’m glad I finally get to learn.” Matilda sounded as if she was glowing. “Oh, I wonder if I’ll be able to drive to Lanna’s wedding. Probably. It will be the first wedding of the year!”
    â€œProbably, although learning to drive might also mean that you have to fetch your sisters to and from school now and again.”
    â€œTrue, but I don’t mind.” Matilda fell silent, and the chatter from the rest of the family remained a background symphony of conversation. “Perhaps there’s a good chance I’ll run into the dressmaker’s nephew while I’m out driving.”
    â€œThat would hardly be proper,” Noelle cautioned, remembering. With all the pieces of her heart, she was remembering her own mistakes. Mistakes she wanted to wipe out of her life like chalk from a blackboard, to rub away every flaw, every wrong choice and every foolish romantic notion. “It’s one thing to admire an available man’s good qualities—but you don’t want to get yourself into trouble, Tilly.”
    â€œWhat trouble could I get into?” Matilda said, all innocence, for she’d been gently raised.
    As Noelle had. So innocent, she could not imagine all the consequences of one innocent crush on a nice man. Somehow, Noelle could not separate the feeling that if she’d never fallen in love with Thad, if she’d never strayed from her parents’ expectations for her, if she’d never been so headstrong and determined and stubborn, then her parents would still be alive. And she would still have her sight.
    Right now, she could be sensibly married to a fine, dependable man, and have several children of her own. More lost dreams that were hard to swallow. Her arms empty, her heart empty, she swallowed hard to keep it from sounding in her voice. “We’re commanded to honor our parents, Tilly. You oughtn’t to be placing so much importance on something as frail as love. It’s like a snowflake in the air, lovely while it’s swirling on the wind, but it melts and vanishes into nothing.”
    â€œOh.” Matilda sounded stricken. “I didn’t mean to disrespect Mama and Papa. I only meant—” She sighed. “I’m not sure what I meant. I just want to be married and happy.”
    She fell silent. Noelle didn’t know what to say. More remorse filled her up. She hadn’t meant to hurt her cousin. “I know you do, Tilly. I pray every day that the right man will come calling for you.”
    â€œAnd I appreciate it.” There was a smile in Matilda’s voice, as if trying to cover her hurt.
    â€œI shouldn’t have been so harsh. I didn’t mean—” She felt the brush of snow against her cheek, as gentle as grace. This is what came from being anywhere near to Thaddeus James McKaslin. Everything was upside down. Her sensible life, her sensible thoughts. She was choking on the pain and memories she’d buried for good reason.
    She squared her shoulders and said as kindly as she could to her cousin. “Am I hearing this right? Uncle Robert doesn’t want to drive us home?”
    â€œHe wants to ride that beautiful new mare of his home. Oh, she is a beauty.” Matilda sighed. “Jet-black. She’s so well formed, even I can see it. She’s like perfection.