House Arrest by K.A. Holt Page B

sleep she’s had
in the past four days.
All I said was
I won’t let you do it ,and she just flipped out.
You think this is what I want? Her teeth were together so tight
the words were like quiet growls.
You think ANY of this is part of a plan?
Every day is a lava-riddled path, Timothy.
Every day I have to choose a step
and decide what hurts less—
which, of a million terrible choices,
is the least terrible.
Do you understand that, T-man?
Don’t call me T-man. I just want to be able to sleep, Timothy. She started to cry.
She squeezed my arms so hard.
I just want only family in the house.
I just want to be able to drive you and Levi
to the movies
like regular people.
But mostly, T-man? Mostly I want sleep. Her hands popped off my arms.
Her forehead fell onto my shoulder
and she hiccup-cried
and I wondered
is she shrinking?
Or am I growing?

WEEK 39
    I always thought turning thirteen would be awesome.
A real teenager, you know?
Now it just seems stupid.
Everything seems stupid.
What good is it to be a teenager
if no one will listen to anything you say?
Might as well still be a baby.
At least then people think you’re cute.

    I saw the way James looked at Mrs. B
when he showed up for the “party.”
And I’m sorry to use quotes like that
because I know you all tried hard,
but having a birthday party
in your court-appointed psychologist’s office
definitely deserves quotes.
Do not even try to lie, James.
I know.
She’s kind of pretty.
Like maybe a movie star
trying to win an Oscar
by dressing up like a tired psychologist.
But I kind of think she’s way out of your league.
I mean, her clothes are always clean.
That’s one thing.
Also, she is a grown-up.
I know you’re technically a grown-up, too, James
but only because you’re old.
Anyway. Thanks for the “party.”
Seeing Mrs. B meet Levi
was pretty awesome
even if she did try to hug me after
and sniffled a little bit into my hair.

    No. No! Stop that! Bad boy! I heard Mary’s voice all the way upstairs
with my door shut.
I ran to the kitchen
to see what was happening.
Levi in his eating chair
avocado smeared everywhere
because he still doesn’t really eat
just plays.
Mary was holding his hands away from his face
her mouth pinched shut.
What’s going on? I asked.
This baby will not listen , she said.
Levi’s leg flew up, kicked the tray.
Avocado went everywhere.
Mary made a noise, let go of his hands,
started cleaning the mess.
Levi looked at me
and put his grimy, smeary, green finger
into his trach.
Plugged it right up.
And then he said,
MA MA MA MA MA MA ,and looked at me, triumphant.
Holy what?! My hands went to my hair.
I know! Mary said from the floor.
So unsanitary and dangerous.
He is a danger to himself.
Just like I’ve been saying all along.
MA MA MA MA MA MA , Levi said again,
his face turning purple as he talked without breathing,
his smile bigger than any smile I’ve ever seen.
Stop that! Mary yelled. You stop it! She stood and yanked his hand from his trach
squeezing his wrist
hard.
That’s a bad boy , she said,
a bad, yucky, dangerous brat. I grabbed Levi away from her,
pulled him right out of his seat,
held him in a big hug.
You’re talking! I laughed,
ignoring Mary,
shouting as loud as I could,
He’s talking!
He said Mama! And that’s when I saw Mom in the doorway,
her hand on her mouth,
tears on her cheeks.
Oh, Levi , she said.
She looked at Mary, still on the floor, cleaning.
She looked at me.
Oh, Timothy. MA MA MA MA MA MA , Levi answered.
Mom was crying, but also laughing.
I think maybe I was, too.
The first time we’ve ever heard his voice.
The very first time.
But you know the best sound I heard?
Maybe the best sound I’ve heard in months and months?
Mom’s voice, still choked up, still loving on Levi
who was still in my arms,
the three of us standing together,
a triangle,
a family.
    I’ll call the agency , Mom said, nuzzling Levi’s